I Love You From Your Head To Your Toe

(My fiancé has recently immigrated to Australia and has just gotten his permanent visa, pending marriage, so he’s been looking for work for months. We’ve just spent over an hour looking into apprenticeships and other various options that might open other avenues to getting him work, or at least getting him fully qualified in Australia for jobs he’s done back in the US.)

Me: “Those looking for work in Australia must be able to demonstrate that they have a good command of English for most professional jobs. Applicants from non-English speaking countries may have to pass an English test.” *stares pointedly at fiancé*

Fiancé: “I done did learn me some Engrish. I can even count to eleventy.”

Me: “Ooooh, eleventy?”

Fiancé: “Yup, that’s cuz I got me 12 toes.”

Me: *stares blankly*

Fiancé: “Nine of them on the left foot.”

Me: *stares blankly* “Now I have the image in my head of you having one toe on the right foot.”

Fiancé: “Well, I do now after the fireworks incident.”

Me: “No, I have the image of one toe on your right foot. One GIANT toe. With one GIANT toenail.”