What A Bizarre Way To Quit

Boss: “Do you get along with [Employee]?”

Me: “Err, the guy from marketing? Yeah. I mean, I don’t dislike him, but we don’t see each other or work together.”

Boss: “Hmm… Okay.”

Me: “Is there an issue?”

Boss: “Oh, no. Well, not really. He made a bit of an offhand comment. Nothing to take any further, but maybe make a bit of an effort there.”

Me: “Okay, sure. Again, I don’t really even see the guy, but okay.”

I don’t really know what more to do. I try to say good morning to everyone a bit louder; otherwise, I’m pretty okay with everyone.

Then, my boss calls me into his office.

Boss: “[Employee] had made a complaint against you.”

Me: “What?! What for?”

Boss: “Homophobic remarks.”

Me: “Seriously? I didn’t even know the guy was gay.”

Boss: “Then, apparently, you flipped him off as you drove out the car park last week.”

Me: “I what? I don’t have a car. I take the bus.”

Boss: “So you don’t have…” *reading from the paper* “…a small red car with a nodding dog in the rear window.”

Me: “I don’t have any car, red or otherwise.”

Boss: “Okay, well, I’m glad I didn’t process your suspension paperwork this morning. Maybe go back to work and I will straighten it out.”

It took weeks to get an update. It turned out that [Employee] made everything up, even the bit about being gay! Someone told me that he was already planning on leaving and was trying to get some sort of payout or hush money. They threatened to fire him but he just handed in his notice there and then.