We’re Sure The Courts Are Sick Of This

Me: “[Office], this is [My Name].”

Client: “Hi, is the attorney there? I need to talk to him.”

Me: “I can check if he’s available. Could I get your name?”

There are some static-y noises in the background.

Client: “Hold on one second.”

Me: “All right.”

Client: “Can I get a Mexican pizza?” *Static* “No, no onions.” *Static* “No, I want olives, no onions.” *Static* “Right. No onions.” *Big pause* “Hello?”

Me: “Yes?”

Client: *Suddenly weak voice* “Tell my attorney I’m really sick and can’t make it to court.”

Me: “All right. Could I get your name and court date?”

Client: “I’m [Client] and my court date is on Tuesday.”

Me: “Okay.”

Today is Thursday.

Me: “Just so you’re aware, you may need a doctor’s note to prove to the court that you really can’t come.”

Client: “What?!”

Me: “The court. They may request a doctor’s note to prove you’re actually too sick to appear. It’s pretty common.”

Client: *Normal voice* “Yeah, sure. Bye.”