Well, That Holiday Went Right Down The Crapper

(It’s Christmas Day and we are at the in-laws’ house. My brother- and sister-in-law turn up with just the younger of their two sons.)

Mother-In-Law: “Where’s [Older Son]? Is he sick?”

Brother-In-Law: “No, it’s worse than being sick; he’s on call and was called in for an emergency.”

Mother-In-Law: “What sort of emergency?”

Brother-In-Law: “The plumbing kind.”

(Later, [Nephew] stops in to say hello on his way between jobs. I go in for a hug but he backs off.)

Nephew: “Don’t touch me! Um… Sorry, that came out wrong. Please don’t touch me; I’m covered in s***.”