We’ll Need A Mop To Soak Up All The Bigotry

(I am doing a product demonstration show and I decide to do a character because it makes the job go by fast and it’s more fun. While doing a demonstration in my “Getting Married” character, an old woman in her late 80s takes a mop from me. As she’s about to buy it, she asks me a few questions.)

Customer: “So, you’re getting married? Oh, that’s lovely. What’s your fella like?”

Me: “Julia is a girl and she is the love of my life. We’re getting married in November.”

Customer: “A girl? You’re a dy**?”

Me: “I prefer lesbian, but yes, I am.”

Customer: “A DY** SOLD ME A MOP!”

(The woman proceeds to toss the mop at me and then go get a manager.)

Customer: “Did you know that you have a dy** working here?”

Manager: “Ma’am, I don’t think she appreciates you calling her that.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want a God d*** dy** selling me things that I need. I can’t take them if she sells it to me.”

Manager: “Why don’t I get one of my associates to ring you through?”

Customer: “I’d like that very much.”

(The manager runs her through, but gives me a $50 gift card to our store. Thank you, prejudiced old woman. I got really nice sheets.)