We’ll Make You As Right As Rain

(It’s a Friday night after the evening rush. It’s pouring rain, and generally people are more irritable if they have to be in the rain after a long day at work. Such is the case with this customer.)

Customer: *walks in* “Evenin’.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Shop Name]. Did you already have an order with us?”

Customer: “No. Do you have a menu I can look at?”

Me: “Yes, I have one right here.”

(I hand her a take-home menu, but there is a large board menu above me that’s pretty obvious.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess I could’ve just looked up there, huh.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *frowning* “Agreeing with me makes you sound like you’re making fun of me.”

Me: “I would never. I value your service with us.”

Customer: “As you should.”

(Fifteen minutes later…)

Customer: “Is my pizza done yet?”

Me: “It should be done any second now.”

Customer: “Why does it take so long? I could’ve just gone to [Competitor] and been home with a pizza by now.”

Me: “Well, we cook everything to order to ensure your food is always fresh.”

Customer: “Well, you haven’t done anything except fold pizza boxes. I could’ve done that for you, and you could’ve gone to make my pizza and have it to me quicker.”

Me: “There’s already a staff on the food line right now. Adding me back there wouldn’t help at all.”

(She picks up an unfolded pizza box and examines it.)

Customer: “Well, this is certainly too easy of a job. I could do it blindfolded!”

(The customer struggles with folding the box, and finally gets it folded after five minutes of toying with it. In that same time, I’ve already made a stack and am working on another set.)

Customer: “See? Too easy.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, let’s have us a challenge. I get an employee discount to use every week, and I haven’t used it yet. If you can fold an 18-set stack faster than me, I’ll add that discount to your order.”

Customer: “You’re on!”

(The customer’s food comes out. She finishes her stack, but long after I’ve completed mine. She picks up her food and begins walking to the door.)

Customer: “So much for my discount, but thank you for entertaining me. I had a pretty s***y day today, and you cheered me up, AND the rain has stopped. You’ve earned the shop a regular customer!”