Welcome To The States! And, Uh… Sorry?

I’ve just come back from a quick trip to the States (via two days in Germany — business — don’t ask). Of course, being British, and having read so much about people’s experiences in giant superstores, I had to see one for myself.

I was walking through a particular retail chain, at once impressed with the range and the prices and faintly horrified by some of the food.

As I was walking through, I heard the dreaded harrumphing of an approaching entitled woman. She wasn’t looking at me but at a teenage girl. The girl was wearing jeans and a jacket and holding a handbag. She had absolutely no uniform. This woman started whipping up a storm of demands and threats, and the poor girl looked like she was about to cry.

Something had to be done.

I decided that I’d intervene, but before I’d taken two steps, a genuine, bonafide, suit-wearing legend arrived, and… all right, I didn’t know he was a legend immediately, so I am getting ahead of myself.

This guy started booming over the woman’s squawking diatribe.

Legend: “What seems to be the problem?”

The woman was taken aback by his voice but soon regained hers and started complaining about everything the girl hadn’t done, and how she should be fired, blah, blah, blah.

Legend: *To the girl* “Right, I’m officially promoting you to customer. You’re fired. Enjoy your shopping experience.”

The girl had clearly figured out what he was doing and couldn’t stop grinning.

The legend turned back to the woman.

Legend: “She’s fired. Happy now?”

The woman saw the girl still smiling and decided she was even less happy.

Woman: “But I want her to get [item] and—”

The legend stopped her in her tracks.

Legend: “That’s a customer you’re harassing. If you continue to harass her — or any other customer in this store — I’ll have those large men from security haul you out of the shop.”

The woman harrumphed again, albeit more quietly, stuck her nose up in the air, and stalked off.

As she got to the end of the aisle, the teenager just burst out laughing, and it was such an infectious laugh, the legend joined in.

Brilliant!