Welcome To The Hotel Californication

We have a guest who regularly stays with us on business trips and for occasional weekends with his wife. We know she is his wife as during those stays she is always booked in under her name (same last name as his), and one time she paid to have a forgotten item returned to the same address as the named guest, authorized as his wife.

When he stays on weekdays on business trips, he will sometimes bring a lady friend up to the room with him. Usually, all guests have to be registered, but because he is a super shiny platinum member and his affairs are none of our business, we don’t press him on the matter.

At least, not until recently.

The guest is also an absolute jerk. He is rude and entitled, and his platinum member status makes him think he can say whatever he wants to us and get everything he asks for without giving a crap who he offends or how many bellhops he makes cry.

I am checking him in again today for a business trip.

Me: “Welcome back, Mr. [Guest]. I see you’re staying for two nights in our deluxe king room?”

Guest: “What? No upgrade? Platinum members automatically get upgrades.”

Me: “Yes, but those are subject to availability. Unfortunately, we are fully booked this week.”

Guest: “Then bump someone on a lower loyalty tier than me. Platinum deserves upgrades.”

Me: “Again, sir, upgrades are not guaranteed and are subject to availability. I cannot upgrade you for this stay.”

Guest: “Listen here, you [slur for Hispanic people]. I don’t know if it’s because your English is s*** or you’re a [slur for disabled people], but I am platinum status! Pla… ti… num! That means I tell you what I want and you get it for me!”

Me: “Sir, I am from this country, and I am understanding you just fine. It is you who is not understanding me. I have no available room to upgrade you to.”

Guest: “How dare you?! You think you can talk back to me like that and get away with it? Get me your manager! You’re so fired!”

I call the manager, and even though he explains the same thing I did, the message is still not going through. This a**-hat actually logs into our online portal on his phone to check for rooms for this evening.

Guest: “Ha! See! You have a suite available to book for tonight!“

Manager: “That is the Presidential Suite, sir, which is excluded from the free upgrade system.”

Guest: “You will upgrade me, or you will be getting a scathing letter from corporate and I will have both of your jobs.”

My manager has access to the booking system for the Presidential Suite, which is actually available — but for $20,000 a night. My manager calls the district manager, explains the situation, and reluctantly lets this d**k-wad have the room.

Guest: *Smugly* “See? I always get my way. Remember that for next time if you’re still lucky enough to be working here.”

For the next two nights, this guest sneered at us as he went in and out, parading his victory in our faces, and even more so when his “lady friend” visited on the second night.

After he checked out, housekeeping found some lingerie bottoms and a stick of lipstick. They noted their findings as it was obvious that they were expensive and from designer brands. They were placed in a sealed container — still underwear, gross!

Normal procedure would be to call the guest to alert them that items were found in their room after checkout and to arrange a delivery to return them. This time, however, I was able to contact the guest’s wife directly, thanks to her details as co-guest being on his account.

She was very surprised to hear that she had left some extra sexy lingerie and expensive lipstick in her room this past week, considering it was a business trip and her husband “travelled alone”. She assured me that her husband would be even more surprised when he got home to THAT conversation.

She asked for the items to be sent to her as evidence, and I shipped them next-day delivery, and I sent them free of charge instead of billing her for it — you know, for good customer service.

That guest still comes in on his business trips, but the “lady friend” has disappeared, but interestingly, so has his wedding ring.

Honestly, we didn’t care about the affair. All he had to do was not be an a**hole, but he couldn’t even do that.