Welcome To The Cala-Zone

, , , , | Right | May 25, 2020

I work in an Italian restaurant that serves pizza, calzones, and strombolis. I have this conversation at least a couple of times a day.

Me: “Are we ready to order?”

The customer has spent almost ten minutes reading our menu.

Customer: “Uh, yeah. I want the cheese and the bread and sauce and toppings, but not like… pizza. Do you guys have something else?”

I gently take another menu and open it up, pointing.

Me: “Yes, we do also have calzones and strombolis. Honestly, I prefer them over pizza; they’re good and they’re big portions. We have the calzones and strombolis as [specialty options], and we can also just start with cheese and you can pick any of these toppings—” *points* “—to put in them. It’s kind of like building your own pizza. We offer small and large versions.”

Customer: “So, what’s the difference between the two? The cala-zones and strombonis?”

I make sure I am enunciating the names clearly.

Me: “Calzones start with mozzarella and ricotta cheese. Strombolis start with just mozzarella. Both generally use the same amount of dough for the bread.”

Customer: “Huh. I’ll have one of your cala-zonies.”

I am internally cringing.

Me: “What would you like in it?”

Customer: “Can I get it with green peppers?”

Me: “Certainly! Anything else?”

Customer: *Hand waves* “Yeah, whatever else comes in it.”

Me: “So, to confirm, just mozzarella, ricotta, and green peppers?”

The customer is looking at me questioningly.

Customer: “No, I want the meat and veggies in it too. And no ricotta. I hate ricotta!”

Me: “We do offer [specialty calzone listed on menu] which has [ingredients] and green pepper already in it. We could make it as a Stromboli; it would be a bit cheaper since you are forgoing the ricotta.”

Customer: “[Specialty] sounds perfect! But I want the calzone; no ricotta!”

Me: “Small or large? The large is about the size of a large pizza folded in half; the small is about half that.”

A coworker passes by and gives their two cents:

Coworker: “Do you want some for now, or do you also want some for later?”

Customer: “Definitely a large!”

When their food comes out:

Customer: “Holy cow! Why didn’t you tell me this was so big?! I can’t possibly finish this!”

Me: “Would you like a box?”

Customer: “No! I don’t have room in my fridge!”

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