Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

(I take calls about various do-it-yourself products for lawn and garden and insect control.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your product is defective!”

Me: “Okay, what product?”

Customer: “[Brand name] weed and grass killer!”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “It killed my grass!”

Me: “Um, it is weed and grass killer.”

Customer: “Yes, but it doesn’t say good grass!”

Me: “You’re right. However, grass covers all grass types.”

Customer: “Well, it should say on the label it kills good grass.”

Me: “Actually, it does on the back. It lists all the grasses it kills, and your grass is listed.”

Customer: “Well, it should tell you to read the label before use!”

Me: “Actually, it does. See that stop sign on the back?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “And right after, it says read entire label before use.”

Customer: “Well, it should say it on the front so I can see it!”

Me: “I’ll put your request into corporate…”