Weddings Are Weddings Are Weddings

I am working in my office and overhear two coworkers talking. One of them is describing a wedding they attended over the weekend.

Coworker #1: “It was amazing. Both the grooms looked so beautiful.”

Another coworker sitting close to them interjects.

Coworker #2: “Ah, so it was a gay wedding.”

She overemphasizes the word “gay”.

Coworker #1: “Yes, it was.”

Coworker #2: “So say that, then! It’s misleading to spend all this time talking about a wedding and making me think how lovely it is when it’s actually a gay wedding!”

I decide it’s my turn to interject.

Me: “[Coworker #1], it sounds so lovely! I’m going to a straight wedding this weekend, so thanks for giving me butterflies!”

Coworker #2: “That’s just a wedding. You don’t have to say ‘straight wedding’.”

Me: “If you get to say ‘gay wedding’, then I get to say ‘straight wedding’.”

Coworker #2: “No! If it’s two straight people getting married, then it’s just a wedding! If it’s two gays getting married, then it’s a gay wedding!”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker #2: *Getting flustered* “Well… because!”

Me: “But why?”

Coworker #2: “You know!”

Me: “I really, really don’t. You need to spell it out for me.”

Coworker #2: “You know! Because it’s not a…” *whispers* “…not a real wedding!”

Me: “I’m happy calling all weddings just weddings because they’re all just weddings! If you insist on using the labels, then I am going to use them for all of them. I am very much looking forward to going to a straight wedding this weekend!”

[Coworker #2] huffs and storms off to the coffee station.

My boss has heard everything.

Boss: “Wait until our Monday meeting! Last year, I attended a genderfluid wedding and I just so happened to get the photos just this week! The lucky couple both wore dresses at the ceremony and tuxes at the reception!”