We’d Tell Them To Noodle On It But That Requires A Brain

I’m at the customer service desk when a woman storms back in from the parking lot (she had been served a few minutes earlier), clutching an opened pack of instant ramen.

Customer: *Slamming the package down.* “Excuse me! This is disgusting! I want a refund!” 

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?” 

Customer: *Holding up a brick of ramen with a bite mark in it.* “It’s crunchy! And flavorless! I just bought it, opened it right in my car, and THIS is what I get?!”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, you’re supposed to cook it. You boil it in water and add the seasoning packet.”

Customer: “Then why does it say instant?!”

Me: “Because compared to making noodles from scratch, it is instant.” 

Customer: *Crossing her arms.* “Well, it should be ready right out of the package. This is false advertising!” 

She stomps out of the store clutching her half-bitten ramen brick. My coworker leans over from the register, watching her go.

Coworker: “I saw instant coffee in her bag. Wanna take bets she’s back in five minutes complaining it’s too dry?”

Me: “She’s the reason Pop-Tarts come with instructions.”