We’d Hit The Like Button On That

I was driving home from work when I made the mistake of cutting another car off. Or, more precisely, I made the mistake of merging over into the lane ahead of another car, with a good four or five car lengths separating us, which led to them suddenly speeding up after I’d completely merged over, moving up to tailgate me, and pounding on their horn.

They carried on like that up until we reached the next intersection, where the light had just turned red. They then jumped over into the left lane that I’d just merged over from, moving up alongside me. I glanced over and saw that the girl in the passenger seat and a guy in the backseat both had their phones out and pointed at me.

Great, someone’s hoping for a new TikTok or something.

I stared up at the light, listening to my music, while peripherally aware of the passenger in the car shouting things that I couldn’t quite make out over my music. As the red light continued to be red, I gave in to my morbid curiosity and turned the volume down on my music just a tad until I could make out what she was saying.

Passenger: “—see you glancing. We can see you look at us. What? You like my t*ts? Huh? You like to—”

Aaand back up goes the volume.

Right as the turn lanes got the green light, I spotted a sudden motion out of the corner of my eye. I foolishly looked over on instinct and spotted the passenger swinging her arm to apparently try and hit my window. She’d evidently underestimated just how far apart our vehicles were, and so she’d missed, but as I watched, she hauled herself up like a lunging seal, shoving herself up onto the edge of the window, still clutching her phone in one hand while balling up her fist in the other to try and give my window a punch.

Before she actually could, however, the light turned green. I immediately stepped on the gas, accelerating forward, and as I did, I heard a short scream from her, audible over a lull in my music.

Passenger: “MY PHONE!”

A glance in my side mirror showed her now jackknifed over the edge of the car window, trying to reach something on the ground. I’m guessing that my sudden movement startled her enough to lose her grip on her phone, or maybe her contortions to try and wiggle out of the window loosened her grip.

Either way, I don’t think they were going to be able to post whatever “viral hits video” they were hoping for.