Weapons Of Mass Dysfunction, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 21, 2020

We sell guns and self-defense supplies, but not “recreational” weapons like airsoft or paintball. Some people don’t understand the difference. On this day, two women carrying an old rifle case come in.

Coworker: “Hey, how can I help you today?”

Woman #1: “We’d like an appraisal on this antique rifle! Found it in Grandpa’s shed.”

Coworker: “We can’t do an official appraisal but I can take a look and tell you where to get more info on it.”

They lay it on the counter and open up the case. My coworker glances at it for a second.

Coworker: “Uh, ma’am, this isn’t a rifle and I doubt it’s antique. This is a BB gun, from the 1970s, it looks like. We really can’t help you here.”

Woman #1: “This is an antique! It was Grandpa’s! It’s a real d*** gun just like those behind you!”

Woman #2: “If this isn’t a real gun, then how’d he shoot squirrels with it, huh? You can’t kill anything with a toy gun!”

Woman #1: “This is bulls***! There’s the same exact gun behind you! You’re discriminating!”

She’s pointing to an antique 1860s Civil War rifle that has no more resemblance to hers than any other rifle would.

Coworker: “I’m sure it’s great for, uh, squirrels, but we’re more of a bear-size store? We don’t even carry the ammo for those things.”

For some reason, this quiets [Woman #1] right down and she packs it back up.

Woman #1: “Aw, well, I guess if you don’t have the ammo, there’s no sense in it. We’ll go try somewhere else!”

They both left, though [Woman #2] was still muttering about squirrels.

Weapons Of Mass Dysfunction

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