We Wish You A Useless Christmas

, , , , | Right | December 22, 2018

(I have my first call center job for a popular retail company. I am hired during the holidays, and as long as a customer places their order by December 21, they are guaranteed to receive it by Christmas Eve, no overnight shipping or crazy fees required. This call takes place on December 22.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. May I have your name and order number?”

Customer: “Y’all need to find my order and send it to my house right now! I paid for rush delivery and it’s still not here!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir; may I have your order number? I’ll be more than happy to look into this for you.”

(The customer gives me his order number and I check on his package. He placed his order yesterday, which means he gets the shipping that will make it arrive in time for Christmas. This shipping is FREE; none of our customers have to pay for it. The shipping options online still show as, “Standard (5-7 business days),” and, “Overnight,” but no matter what the customer chooses, it will still be free and arrive by the 24th.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I see here from the tracking number that your order has already left the warehouse and is on its way to you. It is actually scheduled to arrive tomorrow on the 23rd, so it should arrive even before Christmas Eve!”

(Nowhere on our website does it advertise that an order will be received BEFORE the 24th, only BY the 24th at end of the day. It’s actually quite lucky that he is receiving it even earlier.)

Customer: *screaming now* “NO, NO, NO! I paid for rush delivery and I want it now! Find my d*** package!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as I’ve told you, it has left our warehouse, and [Shipping Company] has it on the way to you now. It will be arriving tomorrow, in time for the holiday. It’s actually arriving earlier than expected, as most orders are being delivered on the 24th.”

Customer: “I PAID FOR RUSH DELIVERY; IT SHOULD BE HERE TODAY! GET ME MY PACKAGE NOW!”

(At this point, I’m done with him being irate over what is actually a good situation. I’m a very sarcastic person, and I believe all customers are right, until they’re not.)

Me: “Sir, I see here that you selected ‘Standard’ shipping when you placed your order online, not ‘Overnight.’This is okay, though, because our Standard shipping is being rush-delivered to you, and this was also a free courtesy, so you didn’t pay anything for it. I have no way of contacting the specific [Shipping Company] driver that has your package in his truck to tell him to stop what he’s doing and bring your package to your house now.”

Customer: “So, what you’re saying is that you can’t help me at all and you’re useless! That’s what I want; I want to hear you say that you’re useless!”

Me: “Um… Excuse me?”

Customer: “SAY IT! SAY YOU ARE USELESS!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that you are receiving free shipping for a package that is arriving to you even earlier than it should. Anything else that I can assist with today?”

Customer: *grumbling and growling angrily* “UGH, MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

Me: *cheerfully* “Merry Christmas to you too, sir!”

(That was my first “bad customer” call at that job. I was a little nervous that he was going to make a complaint or that the call was going to be pulled for quality and I was going to get in trouble for being sarcastic with him, but nothing ever came of it. I checked his tracking the next week and saw that he had, in fact, received his order the very next day. Hopefully, he lightened up in time for Christmas!)

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