We Wish You A Less-Awkward Christmas

(I love my boyfriend, but his mother is something else. I was born in Eastern Europe but have lived in the US since I was five. I am spending my first Christmas with him and his family. As soon as I enter the house:)

Boyfriend’s Mother: *says something in Russian*

Boyfriend: “Mom! [My Name] is Romanian, not Russian.”

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Oh, don’t they share a language?”

Me: “Most people seem to think that, despite the two languages sounding nothing alike, but it’s okay. Common mistake.”

(After the cats destroy one of the curtains:)

Boyfriend’s Dad: “D*** cats. If you don’t let me take them to the vet to have them declawed, [Boyfriend’s Mother], I’ll be forced to buy a curtain made of iron.”

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Shh! Don’t remind poor [My Name] of her country’s problems.”

Boyfriend’s Dad: “What the h*** are you on?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I was born in a democracy.” *trying to change the subject* “Sir, I can recommend a good brand of scratching posts to solve your problem.”

(At dinner:)

Boyfriend’s Mother: “[My Name], I wanted you to feel welcomed so I looked up some traditional Romanian dishes.”

Boyfriend: “Mom…”

Boyfriend’s Mother: “What?”

Me: “I appreciate the effort, and it looks quite tasty, but I’m allergic to cabbage.”

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Really? [Boyfriend], didn’t you tell me you’ve eaten this dish with her before?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, but [My Name]’s grandma made it and used grape leaves instead of cabbage.”

Boyfriend’s Dad: “Honey, next time just ask.”

(At night, in bed:)

Me: “I ruined Christmas, didn’t I?”

Boyfriend: “I told you mom takes her hospitality and political correctness a step further than most people, but neither of you meant any harm.”

(I guess everyone has awkward moments when spending Christmas with their significant other’s family for the first time.)