We Thought “Birds Are Drones” Was Just A Meme

We have a know-it-all at work. Unfortunately, he also is a massive conspiracy nut and will not stop going on about conspiracies.

While I enjoy conspiracy theories — especially the nuttier ones — I don’t put any stock in them.

I’ve long learnt not to argue with him on them. He is “right,” even if you put the proof in his hands.

Today, however, he is being more annoying and belligerent than ever. My normal attempts to agree and let him run out of steam are not working. I’ve made several attempts to politely tell him to stop talking, yet on and on he goes.

After nearly an hour of his latest obsession — that birds are somehow highly advanced robot spies — he comes out with this gem.

Know-It-All: “I mean you would have to be stupid not to notice. Have you ever looked at a bird up close? It is obvious!”

Me: “I have, and no, they look like birds to me.”

Know-It-All: “No, not in a museum.”

He tuts like I’ve made a massively stupid statement

Know-It-All: “Actual flapping birds.”

Me: “Yes, I have seen actual live birds — real, flapping, eating birds.”

Know-It-All: “How, then? You can’t just go up to a bird and look at them. They’re clever. They move away.”

I think for a moment about his logic. If no one has seen them up close, how has he? Instead, I respond:

Me: “I have a bird feeder that has a two-way mirror. They come really close and I often watch them when I work from home. No spy cameras, no wires, just birds. Now, can we drop it, please? I can’t concentrate with all the noise.”

Thankfully, he shut up and the office was quiet again. I felt a bit sorry for him — after all, he wasn’t harming anyone with what he believes — but I just couldn’t do my work with his constant noise. I stopped feeling bad when I found out that he went to human resources to make a complaint about me. Apparently, it didn’t go any further when he repeatedly insulted the HR staff and accused them for working for the Illuminati.