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We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar! (Salad), Part 2

, , , , , | Related | August 14, 2020

I submitted this story last year.

My grandmother still lives with us, she’s still manipulative, we think she might hate my mom but we can’t prove it, and we are no closer to getting her into a home. She has gotten slightly better about accepting whatever we have for dinner and that we don’t eat out as often as she would like. My mom is done with being polite with her, though, for a number of reasons. Grandma also has a horrible habit of telling us WAY too much personal information about what’s wrong with her body. In case it isn’t clear, Grandma is my dad’s mom.

Anyway, we order our dinner from a local pizza and sub place. Mom and Grandma both get salads, which each come with three different types of bread. My mom has a gluten intolerance, so I eat her bread. We have told Grandma many times before that Mom cannot have normal bread. Mom will occasionally eat stuff with gluten but only if the pain is worth it.

Grandma: “[Mom], where’s your bread?”

Mom: “[My Name] has it.”

Me: “Yep.”

I hold up the roll to show her.

Grandma: “You should eat your bread. It’s soooo good.”

And yes, Grandma does drag out the “soooo good.” She pulls off a large piece of the roll and makes a show of eating it.

Mom: “You know I can’t have bread.”

Grandma: “But it’s still warm in the middle. Give your mom back her bread.”

Mom: “It’s not worth the gas, the cramps, or the diarrhea.”

Grandma: “Well, you don’t have to be so graphic about it.”

Mom:I’m being graphic? You’re the one who goes on and on about every little thing that’s wrong with you!”

Grandma: “I do not!”

Dad: “Yes, you do.”

Brother: “It’s gross.”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t need to know about that stuff.”

Grandma: “Hmph. Why do you always take her side?”

Dad: “She’s my wife and you’re wrong.”

Grandma: “I am not! I just don’t see why she won’t eat her bread.”

Dad: “Because she can’t have it!”

Grandma: “Well, you don’t have to yell.”

We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar! (Salad)

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