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We Should Totally Just Drug Grandma! (Not Really), Part 2

, , , , , , | Healthy Related | June 22, 2022

I wrote this story. Grandma has always exaggerated when she feels sick. She used to be a nurse, so you would think she would know better than to do stuff like this.

One day, my grandmother comes downstairs and complains that she has a cough. The problem is we haven’t heard her cough once. She’s not even fake-coughing. She sets up a virtual doctor’s visit, but since the doctor can’t really examine her, he prescribes her a cough medicine for her nonexistent cough. She then complains that it isn’t working. We’re doubting she’s sick since she never goes anywhere and she’s not showing any symptoms, but it is peak pollen season, so we suggest she take an allergy pill. She refuses.

A few days later, Dad finally hears her wheezing a little bit. Mom suggests she make an appointment to go in and actually see her doctor. Grandma has other ideas.

Grandma: “I want to go to the hospital. My cough is just terrible.”

Again, we haven’t heard a single cough from her this whole time.

Mom: “I don’t think you need to go to the hospital. If you don’t want to see your doctor, we can take you to urgent care. They’re less expensive than the ER and can probably help you out.”

Grandma: “No. I need to go to the hospital.”

Dad: “Fine. We’ll take you to the hospital.”

Grandma: “I don’t want you to take me. I want to go by ambulance.”

Dad: “Why?”

Grandma: “Because then I won’t have to wait.”

Mom: “You’ll still have to wait. We’re not calling an ambulance. You don’t need an ambulance. Ambulances are for real emergencies. If you want to go to the hospital, we’ll drive you there.”

Grandma: “I want to go by ambulance! I don’t want to have to wait!”

Dad: “We’re not calling an ambulance!”

Grandma disappeared upstairs. A little bit later, she came back downstairs with a bag. A few minutes later, an ambulance pulled into our driveway. She had pressed the button on her life alert and told the person, “I can’t breathe!”

Grandma walked out to meet the EMTs and told them to take her to the hospital. My dad went out and talked to them. The whole time they were examining her, she was talking a mile a minute and her oxygen was at 98%. The EMTs tried to persuade her not to go to the hospital by ambulance, but she insisted, so they had to take her.

She was highly upset when she spent all day waiting by the nurse’s station to be seen. She did stay in the hospital for several days because they couldn’t determine if it was pneumonia or heart failure. They did eventually diagnose her with heart failure and told her to go on a low-sodium diet, which has caused a host of other issues.

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