We Need To Talk About Kevin

(My mother is in her sixties and thus part of the demographic that credit card phone scammers tend to target. However, despite being mildly technophobic, she’s nobody’s fool and has devised a strategy to get the scammers to take her off their list. I was privileged to witness this recently.)

Mom: *checking her phone screen as it rings* “Oh, look, a call from Kevin. I bet he wants to help me with my Visa Mastercard account.” *answers the phone and listens for a moment* “Sure enough.” 

(She presses one to speak to a representative and puts the phone on speaker.)

Me: “Mom, what are you doing? That’s how they confirm your number is live! You’ll never get rid of them now!” 

Mom: “Watch and learn, sweetie.”

(The call is answered by a guy with an almost cartoonishly thick accent.)

Scammer: “Yes, hello, this is Harry, and we are calling to help you with your Visa Mastercard account–“

Mom: *at full “cranky old lady” volume* “WHERE’S KEVIN?” 

Scammer: “Uh… pardon me, ma’am? My name is Harry, and I’m calling to help you with–“

Mom: *still at full volume* “NO, that’s not right! My phone said this was a call from Kevin! I want to talk to Kevin! You put Kevin on the phone right now or else–“

Scammer: *click*

Mom: “And that’s how we deal with that.” 

Me: “I love you.” 

Mom: “I know.”