We Hope This Wasn’t Memorable For Either Kid

After nearly two years cooped up due to the recent global health crisis, after finally getting vaccinated, we’ve decided to mask up and go to the county fair out near my mother’s house. My four-year-old has never been to a fair — that he’s old enough to remember — and today is his very first day on the rides.

This happens just as I’m placing my son onto the mini dragon coaster, intending to ride with him since I’m rather short, he doesn’t want to be alone, and it’s our first big family outing with him as a big boy.

A random grandma shoves in front of me just as I’m getting him settled in his seat.

Grandma: “Here, baby! Ride with him; there’s plenty of room!”

She promptly TOSSES her tiny barely-three-year-old granddaughter into the seat next to my son, just as I’m putting my leg into the cart. The girl CLEARLY wants nothing to do with the ride.

Me: “Uh… I was just about to—”

Grandma: “This boy looks nice! Ride with him, dearie!”

She proceeds to shove me out of the way. Given that I’m arthritic and left my cane down at the walkway with my wife, I nearly fall over.

Grandma: “Watch where you’re going, fata**!”

I choose to ignore the insult.

Me: “I was going to ride with my son on his first roller coaster.”

Grandma: “Ohhhhhhh, you were going to ride with him? I didn’t know they’d let you on the ride! Well, thanks for the seat! I’m sure they’ll be friends!”

She proceeded to body-check me out of the way by crowding so closely that I was forced to back up away from my now distinctly worried child or risk falling onto the track.

The ride operator, not hearing the exchange, was pissed at this point and demanded we both leave the platform so he could get going. I was forced to wait at the exit gate while the random grandma wandered off for a smoke and the ride operator glared at me.

Thanks to that grandma, her granddaughter spent the entire time screaming in terror in my son’s face and flailing her arms around to smack anyone within reach, which had my son crying for Daddy halfway through the ride. He climbed over the little girl to get out as soon as the ride stopped, sobbing his eyes out and demanding to go home.

Thirty dollars were wasted on unlimited ride wristbands, only three rides were ridden, and we drove straight home so my poor kid could hide under his weighted blanket and ask me why I didn’t ride with him.

So much for a memorable first fair with my kid.