We Don’t Wanna Know How She’d React To An International Address

I have a legal issue in Colorado to deal with just before I plan to move to Northern Virginia. I have to fill out a form detailing where exactly I am moving to. For information, Virginia cities are independent of any counties, even if they’re surrounded by a county.

Me: “City? Alexandria. County? N/A. State? Virginia. ZIP code? 22312. There.”

I hand the form to the clerk.

Clerk: “Hmmm… What do you mean by ‘N/A’ in the ‘County’ blank? Is that an abbreviation?”

Me: “I guess. It means ‘not applicable’. Alexandria is an independent city.”

Clerk: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It’s not in any county. It’s independent of them.”

Clerk: “That’s not possible. It has to be in a county.”

This is before smartphones, so I can’t pull up a map. Instead, I sketch the geography as I explain.

Me: “Look. This blob is the City of Alexandria. This area to the north is Arlington County. To the south and west is Fairfax County. And to the east, across the Potomac River, is the District of Columbia.”

Clerk: “The district of what?”

Me: “District of Columbia. DC. Washington, DC. The capital of the United States.”

Clerk: “Washington, DC, is not in Virginia.”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s just across the river from Alexandria and Arlington.”

Clerk: “No, it’s an island in the ‘Lantic Ocean.”

Me: *Giving up* “Whatever. In any case, you can see that Alexandria is not a part of either Arlington or Fairfax County. It’s independent.”

The clerk starts putting my information into the computer.

Clerk: “No, you see, when I leave ‘County’ blank, I get an error.”

Me: “Fine. Just put ‘Alexandria’ in for the county, too.”

The workaround worked, inaccurate as it might be. I was just glad I didn’t have to explain other areas on my sketch that were Maryland.