We Can’t Believe They Thought That Would Work, Part 7

Criminal & Illegal, Drugs, Job Seekers, Liars/Scammers, USA | Working | January 11, 2025

Back in the nineties, I used to work at a staffing agency that placed people at manufacturing positions. Everyone had to be drug tested at the office as part of the orientation. If the pee cup came back as “inconclusive”, we’d send the potential hire to a medical lab. They would take another drug test, and the lab could determine if the person was on a prescription or using illegal drugs (and therefore, not eligible for hire).

One guy failed his drug test at the lab. He came back to the office:

Job Seeker: “Look, that wasn’t my fault! I was riding in a car, and I stuck my head out of the window. We passed under a bridge and someone threw a bunch of cocaine off the bridge! It hit him me in the face and I accidentally inhaled it!”

Me: “Wow.”

Job Seeker: “Yeah, crazy right?”

Me: “Sure is! So, if you just give us the exact date, time, location where this happened, and the number of the police report you filed when you were hit with such a large amount of illegal substances and we can get this all squared away.”

Job Seeker: “Oh… I… uh…”

Me: *Saving him.* “Wanna call back when you have those details?”

Job Seeker: “I… uh… yeah.” *Click.*

Shockingly, he did not call back.