We Can Vouch For Your Slacking Skills!

, , , , , | Related | March 20, 2021

In order to revitalise the failing tourism industry in the wake of a certain health crisis, the Singaporean government has given every Singaporean adult $100 of vouchers that can be redeemed at most tourist attractions. I am above eighteen when the vouchers are handed out, so I get a share, as well.

Alas, the government forgot one minor issue. EVERYONE has a massive backlog of work and studies from the lockdown and quarantine, which means that no one has time to go visit tourist attractions. That’s why, several months later in February, my family’s entire supply of vouchers is still untouched.

Mom: “[My Name], you can have all of our vouchers. Go spend it all quickly.”

Me: “Huh? Why?”

Mom: “They’re about to expire really soon. It’ll be a waste if you don’t do it.”

Me: “Wait? Really? I thought they lasted until June.”

Mom: “Like I said. Really soon.”

I roll my eyes at my mom’s definition of “really soon.” It’s a common affliction among Singaporean housewives.

Me: “So why are you passing it to me instead of [Younger Brother]? My A-levels are in three months! I need to study.”

Younger Brother: “Yeah! Why are you giving him the vouchers?”

Mom: “Because [My Name] is the king of slacking off.”

Younger Brother: “No! I’m the king of slacking off! Nobody can be lazier than me!”

Me: “He’s not wrong.”

Mom: “Let me rephrase. [My Name] is the king of slacking off and is somehow still getting straight A’s. You are the king of slacking off and failing.”

That’s true. I played computer games the night before my GCSEs and still walked home with straight A’s. My oldest cousin is even better; he binged video games the week before his A-levels and somehow managed to get the single highest grades amongst the cousins.

My younger brother, on the other hand, actually has to deal with the consequences of laziness — namely, failing his exams because he didn’t study for them.

Younger Brother: “Not fair!”

Mom: “Life isn’t fair. Get double your current grades and we can renegotiate terms. In the meantime, your brother gets the vouchers.”

Me: “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m nineteen now — a legal adult. I can’t simply slack off like a kid anymore. I’m going to work hard and ace my A-levels! No more slacking off!”

Mom: “Okay, then. I’ll see if your cousins want them, instead.”

The very next day, it is announced that the international A-levels are cancelled due to the health crisis.

Me: *To my mom* “Can I have those vouchers now?”

Luckily, my cousins were facing a similar issue regarding the vouchers and were struggling to spend all of theirs, so they didn’t want ours on top of theirs. I got the money!

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