The Only Way To Get Out Of This Pickle

, , | Romantic | June 16, 2017

(I’m having a bit of trouble with a classmate whom I went on a date with once. It didn’t work out, but now he won’t leave me alone. He stares at me throughout the whole class, ambushes me when I’m leaving the lecture hall, and sometimes follows me to my car. Nearly every time he talks to me, he literally begs me to go out with him again. So far, I’ve tried to be polite, but this is getting really out of hand. I’ve decided to be absolutely clear next time he tries something that I don’t want anything to do with him. However, I’m not looking forward to the conversation. I keep trying to avoid him if I can. On this day, I think I’ve managed to slip away unnoticed by using the back exit of the classroom. I’m walking to my car feeling relieved at avoiding him.)

Classmate: *from somewhere behind me* “[My Name]! There you are! I wasn’t sure where you went. Ha ha!”

Me: *walking to a more crowded area, then turning around to face him* “This needs to stop.”

Classmate: “What?”

Me: “I’m not going to go out with you again. Ever. You need to stop trying.”

Classmate: “But… but…” *tries once again to convince me we’d be the perfect couple*

Me: “No. I’ve made my mind, and I’m not going to change it. Also, the way you’re acting is—”

Classmates: *cutting me off* “We’re still friends, though, right? Let me walk you to your car.”

(We weren’t friends before he asked me out, but he’s somehow gotten it into his head that we were. Every time I think I’ve convinced him that I don’t want to date him, he continues to hang around, saying he just wants to be my friend. The next time I see him, he always conveniently forgets the last time I turned him down and tries to convince me to go out with him yet again. So much for just wanting to be friends. I’ve let him get away with the friends thing so far because at that point of the conversation, I’m usually just glad the begging is over. Also, it seems really mean to tell someone you don’t want to be their friend. I really don’t want to be his friend, though, so I decide it’s time to put my foot down.)

Me: “You know what? No. We are not friends. We have never been friends. Please leave me alone.”

Classmate: “But I got you a gift!”

Me: “I don’t feel comfortable accepting–”

(He quickly shoves something into my hands. I catch it reflexively so that it doesn’t fall, then look down to see what it is. It’s a jar of pickles.)

Me: “Um…”

Classmate: *looking at me expectantly, like the jar of pickles is supposed to magically make me jump into his arms*

Me: *trying to hand the pickles back* “Uh… This is… thoughtful, but like I was saying, I don’t feel comfortable accepting a gift in this situation.”

Classmate: *refusing to take the pickles* “But I got it just for you!”

(I have no idea why he would do that. I don’t actually like pickles, and I’ve never told him otherwise.)

Me: “I don’t—”

Classmate: “Please just accept it.”

Me: *sighing* “If I take these pickles, will you leave me alone?”

Classmate: *nodding*

Me: “Just to be clear, that means no more calling me, no more talking to me, no more walking me to my car, and no more staring at the back of my head in class. You’re going to stop doing all of that? Because of… pickles?”

Classmate: *still nodding*

Me: “Okay, then. Thanks for the pickles. Have a nice life.”

(He actually did leave me alone after that. I never ate the pickles, and I changed his name in my phone to “Pickle Guy – DO NOT ANSWER.”)

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  • Roq

    That’s a really sweet gesture, actually, but his creepy behavior turned it sour.

    • Katrin Schirmer

      being stalked can pickle any experience.

      • Gnomer Denois

        It can definitely be hard to dill with.

        • Chris Hubbard

          I dont relish the thought of being that girl. That sort of thing can so easily turn bad.

        • General Ledger

          The way he was gherkin with her emotions was not kosher at all.

          • darsa

            I love you guys. Pickle puns are my bread and butter. <3

          • Misoaaki

            That’s definitely no baby problem, having to go through that can really crunch your spirits. But hey, chip happens.

    • Catherine Stone

      I can’t agree. How many times should she have had to say no? Once. Stalking, begging, and insistent gift giving are all inappropriate behaviors. Continuing to push, like he was doing, is NOT sweet.

      • xXNamirXx

        It was a pun.

        • Catherine Stone

          My apologies. Tonefail on me.

    • David Green

      Communication is the bread and butter of any relationship.

      • Ken

        ha! I see what you did there.

  • Deadpool

    At least it wasn’t a chimichanga. It would have been unacceptable to have chimichangas ruined by that horrible experience.

    • Kristen

      Deadpool, spokesperson against harassment and stalking

      (You realize how much you’ve made this website shine, right?)

      • Deadpool

        Yes. Yes, I do. Thank you for noticing too, though. 🙂

    • Kira

      You are my favourite thing about this site. Don´t ever stop, please.

  • Kitty

    Why didn’t you go to the principal or police earlier? With the principal, you can bring up how you do not feel safe in school anymore – something that is part of the school’s duty to every student and the police… well, they might have said, “He hasn’t done anything yet, so we can’t do anything, either”, but you’d at least have a paper trail going on that says there was an issue earlier and it escalated.

    • Laren Dowling

      Sounds more like university than high school, to me. So you could bring it up with campus security, I suppose, but he hasn’t done anything illegal. Just annoying, with the potential to turn dangerous. So they might not even take the report.

      • Carolyn Foot

        Nowadays it would be considered harassment. You could even take it straight to the police. It’s not even that hard to get a temp restraining order if you’re really worried.

  • Psyche Euridyce

    I love pickles, but even *I* wouldn’t eat pickles if they came from him.

    Me personally, I would’ve thrown that jar of pickles away right in front of him, just to make a point.

    • Jhinnua

      Same.

      Mind, I would have also told him to piss off earlier and way harsher as well.

      • Psyche Euridyce

        Like open up the jar and dump them on his head?

        • Jhinnua

          More like told him the first time he made me talk to him again, told him “Get away from me, you pushy jerk or I’ll get a restraining order”. I wouldn’t have even made it to the pickles.

    • Carolyn Foot

      I probably would have too, but considering that he apparently eerily stopped after she took the pickles, I’m a bit nervous of what he would have done if she had made such a show of rejecting the pickles…

    • KashyaCharsi

      I’d throw them out privately, because who knows what he put IN the pickles…

  • Khlovia

    From the behavior, he was either a sociopath/stalker–or the most clueless geek on Earth. That he traded pickles for a clear understanding of what she really wanted from him demonstrates that he was the latter.

    Sisters, stop being polite. I know, I know, you’ve been programmed from early childhood to put others’ feelings first, but quit it.

    • Khlovia

      Because, if your problematic person is the latter, politeness does not help him. As demonstrated in the story above, it only confuses him. What helps him is giving him a clear understanding of the situation. You can be firm without being cruel.

      And if your problematic person is the former, politeness REALLY does not help YOU. He is reading your kindness as weakness and malleability, an invitation to move in for the kill. And sometimes “kill” should be taken literally.

      So, fortunately, you’re not required to figure out which one he is. Politeness is the wrong move in either case.

      • Jackie Fauxe

        I would really like to understand why my comment above this is waiting to be approved. There are no curses, links, or insults.

        • Khlovia

          Disqus moves in mysterious ways….
          Honestly, previous experience says it really is kind of random. Just shrug, reword it a little so the bot won’t recognize it, and try reposting.

      • KashyaCharsi

        If you are lucky, he won’t say “oooh, passionate, I like it, looks like you feel strongly about me” to your firmness…

    • Ednaville

      You can still be polite, if you can manage polite and firm at the same time. Most people don’t really know how to do that.

  • Cepheron Kalle

    I’m curious to what people would be commenting if the genders were reversed

    • KashyaCharsi

      I suspect OP would be the bad guy, but the stalker would still deserve to be ignored in either case.

    • Katrin Schirmer

      to me, harrassment is harrasment regardless of the genders involved. no means no, period.

  • Ares Zax

    Well, at least he kept his word after the pickles.

  • That experience sounds like a jarring experience.

    Also, really getting tired of these forcing me to close out and reopen tabs here: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/24ba092f32fd707e7421871b4c5ff5afc73dd4d3be8098a65a9e4e0c0b33b28f.png

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ad69f0eb6a02a0cbb6143b250edc8419b0fd4e3e5a7a222c3b959314ca5f7a59.png

    Really hope a moderator sees this. Tried reaching out on Twitter, too.

    • Sunny

      I was having the same issue, sent in a Contact Us email and they directed me to reply with a list of the URLs I was being redirected to. Haven’t had any issues since, fingers crossed.

  • Kathy Plester

    Wonder if this guy then went and complained to his friends about the ‘cruel girl’ who ‘friend-zoned’ him.

    The trouble is movies paint this sort of behaviour as romantic when it is really just stalking. Men are told to be confident, if they keep persisting, it’s sexy. Movies always tell them ‘the good guy always gets the girl’ – whether the girl wants it or not.

  • Kristen

    Throw the pickles in his face.

    … Ok don’t. Talk to the principal and het him involved and use the pickles as evidence