Water Melon-choly

(I working at my friend’s family farm. It’s my second summer on the farm, and I’ve pretty much learned how to run a stand by myself. We have five stands operating in different counties, but I am at the main stand which sees a lot more regular customers than the others, since this stand is more permanent; it’s a building and not a stall in a farmer’s market. One of our “regulars” comes up to me, calm but a little irate.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m here because last week I purchased a watermelon and it didn’t taste good. I’d like a new one.”

Me: *immediately apologetic, because while the pickers do a good job sorting and hauling the watermelons, and I do a good job grading them, sometimes things get missed in the shuffle* “I’m so sorry! Was it rotten, or not ripe enough?”

Customer: “No. It wasn’t rotten, and it was ripe, but it didn’t taste good. I have been a loyal customer here for years, and I deserve a free watermelon!”

Me: “Wait, let me get this straight. The watermelon was perfectly fine, but you didn’t like how it tasted?”

Customer: “Exactly, yes. So I should get a free one.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re taught how to check for ripeness, or signs it’s gone bad, but there is literally no way to tell how a watermelon, or any fruit tastes before you cut it open. I’m not allowed to give out free things unless the produce you originally bought was bad.”

Customer: “I’ve known your boss for years! I’ve been a loyal customer here, and I deserve a free watermelon.”

Me: *quickly losing patience* “Let me just call my boss and see what she says.”

(This woman proceeds to talk at me the entire time I’m dialing and speaking with my boss, who runs the farm and clearly has better things to do. My boss reiterates the policy and finally informs me this woman is not getting a free watermelon just because she didn’t like how hers tasted.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but my boss said I can’t give you a free watermelon. Perhaps a discount?”

Customer: “I don’t want a discount. I should get a free watermelon!”

Me: *firmly* “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: *with a pitying expression* “Then your boss just lost a loyal customer.”

Me: “Bye-bye, then!”