Watch What You Say

(I am the manager on duty for a well-known high-end jewelry store during the weekend.)

Employee: “You have to come out and see this customer now.”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Employee: “She is becoming belligerent because I told her we have to send her watch to be fixed. She’s causing a scene and other customers are complaining. She is insistent that she needs it now.”

(I go out to talk to the customer.)

Me: “Hello, my name is [name]. What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “I have been waiting a f***ing hour! Your stupid representative told me that my watch isn’t working any more; it was working when I walked in!”

Me: “Let me have a look at it, please.”

(I proceed to touch her beat down and heavily abused watch and begin winding the crown.)

Customer: “Do you even know how to work a watch?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have been with (company) for several years. I assure you I can work a crown and pin mechanism on a quartz watch.”

Customer: “I wasn’t trying to be condescending!”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(We proceed to go back and forth for a few minutes. I decide to refund her money and send her on her way. By now, her mood has changed from angry to happy.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re just so wonderful! You are the absolute best! I am going to write a recommendation letter to your director and put my ‘ESQ’ after my name.” *smugly* “I’m a lawyer, you know.”

Me: “Oh, I’ve got my own lawyer, thanks. My husband works for [huge NYC law firm].”

Customer: *stunned* “Uh…I also work for [same firm]. Who is your husband?”

Me: “He’s in Litigation. His name is [husband’s name].”

(Suddenly, the customer’s jaw drops and all color leaves her face.)

Customer: “He’s your husband? Um…he supervises all my work.”

Me: “Does he now? Well, well, what a small world!”

Customer: “I…uh…am a temp attorney and am trying to get a permanent job at the firm. He is…wow…he’s really smart and brilliant and…um…you are so beautiful and intelligent…you make such an elegant couple!”

Me: “Thank you. Anyway, here’s my business card should you need to follow up regarding your watch.”

Customer: “Oh, I know I have a business card somewhere, too.”

Me: “Oh, don’t you worry; I will most definitely remember your name. I’ll make sure to let my husband know you send your regards.”

Customer: *turns bright red and slinks away*