Wasn’t Kitten Around About Children

(I have decided never to have kids, and my family isn’t exactly supportive of that. My mom and my aunts are always looking for signs that I might change my mind. I’m also very bad with kids, especially babies, as I just don’t know what to do with them. One of the things I hate the most is when someone just drops their baby into my arms and assumes I’ll know what to do. One day, I’ve just arrived at my parents’ house from out of town, and my brother and sister-in-law are coming over with their infant daughter and a five-week-old kitten that they rescued from the side of the highway. While my brother is still getting my niece out of her car seat, my sister-in-law comes inside. I go to the front hallway to greet her.)

Sister-In-Law: *handing me something* “Here, have a baby!”

(I reflexively draw back like I usually do when someone tries to give me a baby, but then I realize she’s holding a baby cat, not a baby human.)

Me: *cuddling the kitten* “Aw, you’re so adorable! And you’ve gotten so big! You were half this size in the last picture I saw.”

Kitten: “Meow.”

Sister-In-Law: “Isn’t she precious?”

Me: “Yeah. This is making me want to get one of my own.”

(There’s a crashing noise from further into the house, and suddenly my mom comes racing around the corner, camera in hand. She looks ridiculously excited until she sees me holding a tiny cat, with no baby in sight.)

Mom: *with a disappointed expression* “Oh, I should’ve known. Well, I’m sure you’ll change your mind someday.”