Was Thinking About Nailing You

(I text my husband a picture of my nails one day after I’ve put on bright red polish, which he really likes. The picture also happens to show some cleavage and a little more. Later that night, he looks at my hand.)

Husband: “Oh, nice. When did you do that?”

Me: *confused* “Uh… today. I sent you a picture… Did you not get it?”

(A second passes, and I see light dawning.)

Husband: “Oh! I was focusing on the nipple.”