Warm Bodies

(I am looking through the cupboards for some leftover roast my mum has made. My brother is in the kitchen as I am searching.)

Me: “I can’t find the roast. Mum said it was here. Can you see it?”

Brother: “Nope.”

Me: *dials phone* “Mum, where’s the lamb roast?”

Mum: “Look behind the cabbage.”

Me: “Cabbage? I can’t find a cabbage. There is something in here that may have once been a human head.”

Mum: “Smart- a***.”

Me: “Brother, pull the head out so I can grab the lamb.”

Brother: *pulls cabbage out*

Me: *pulls out roast* “Thanks, can you put it back now?”

(My brother pulls on the crisper drawer to put the roast in there.)

Me: “DON’T OPEN THE DRAWER!”

(My brother retches, and slams it shut.)

Brother: “WHAT IS IN THERE?”

Me: “Smells like the body that belongs to that head.”