Wants No Souvenir Of Your Time Together

(I work in a very large tourist souvenir shop. It’s a slow day and while my three coworkers watch the empty shop I’m at the top of a ladder, arms full of merchandise, when I feel a tap on my leg.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you help me?”

Me: *a bit annoyed that she chose the only busy employee, but cheerful anyway* “Of course, ma’am. Just give me a moment to put everything down and climb down from this ladder.”

Customer: *without waiting* “I need a souvenir.”

Me: “Well, you’ve come to the right place. That’s all we sell! Do you have anything in particular in mind?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, well, I can help you find something to fit your needs. Is it for yourself or someone else?”

Customer: “I need souvenir.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that. Is it for a child or an adult?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay… Do you want something decorative or something you can use every day?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, let’s start with a price point and narrow it down from there. How much would you like to spend?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have nearly one thousand items in this shop, ranging in price from 50p to hundreds of pounds. Can you give me any parameters or interests that would help me to point you in the right direction?”

Customer: “I need a souvenir.”

Me: *internal facepalm* “How about I just show you our most popular items? Over here we have keychains, coasters, and mugs with [Iconic Image] on them. If you want something made locally we have really lovely handmade scarves and soaps which make excellent presents. If that’s too pricey or you need something easy to pack, the wall to your left has over 200 postcards for you to choose from. We also sell matting at the far end of the shop if you decide you’d like to mount a postcard as a decoration. Have a browse, and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask me or another member of staff.”

Customer: “Well, you’re no help at all!” *storms off*