Wanna Bet They Never Forget Their Pocketbook Again?

I’m at the store buying groceries and a cider.

Clerk: “That will be [total].”

Me: “Oh, rats, I forgot my pocketbook on my desk. With all my cards in it. Well, that’s okay; I can pay cash,”

Clerk: “In that case, can I see some ID?”

The policy is to card people who look under twenty-five. I’m forty-one. But okay, it’s your job.

Me: “Well, obviously not. I forgot all my cards.”

Clerk: “In that case, I cannot sell you this.” *Points to the cider*

Me: “Yes, I understand. Would you put it aside for me? I work on the other side of the same building; I can go get my pocketbook in a minute.”

Clerk: “I cannot sell you this without ID.”

Me: “I understand; I wasn’t arguing. Could you please put it aside for me for five minutes while I go get my ID?”

Clerk: “But I cannot sell that to you without ID.”

Me: “We established that. Could you please put it aside for me? I can get my ID in under five minutes.”

Clerk: “But I cannot sell this to you without ID.”

Me: “Yes. I know. Which is why I am now going to go and get my ID.”

Clerk: “But I cannot sell this to you without ID!”

Me: “Yes. I forgot my ID on my desk. I will go get it now. I am merely asking you to put my cider aside, so I don’t have to look for it again.”

Clerk: *Agitated* “But I cannot sell it to you without ID!”

Various versions of this go on for a good while; I don’t want my cider returned to the shelf as it is a rare sort and hard to find. Eventually, I just leave — literally to the other side of the building — fetch my pocketbook, and hope my cider will still be there. It is in the stack of “return to shelf” items.

Clerk: “But you have ID? Why?”

Me: *Sigh*