Waiting For This Story To Be A Movie

I’m a floating manager, bouncing from store to store in the area, helping here or there. I get sent to a location to cover for the manager on vacation.

A woman comes in and spends hours harassing my staff with every last insane request. (“Oh I’ll need you to get me more from the back. This package looks weird. It looks like the right product, but the box is wrong. Where is this? That? Can you bring it to me?”) She took three of my employees and made them wait on her hand and foot throughout the store.

It took some time to notice, because she had them running in different directions, and at a glance, it looked like they were handling their tasks. Once I do notice, I do break that up.

Me: “Ma’am, my employees are here to help, but you’re responsible for your own shopping. We have more important things to do than to fetch and carry for you.”

She accepts this, albeit a bit less than graciously. Then she makes my cashier ring up a massive purchase in separate transactions. Then she inquired about buying a movie.

The movie’s official release date is in two days. When a movie is set to release on a Tuesday we put the signs out on Sunday with text saying, “COMING SOON!” and “This movie will be available on [date].” Typical marketing stuff that every corporate in the world hands out to their stores.

She wanted that movie and wouldn’t accept that it couldn’t be put into her hot little hands. Of course, I get paged up front. All of our registers are running, there is a very long line, and this woman is blocking one register and she’s screaming at my cashier over the stupid movie.

Customer: “—you have the posters up! Why would you have the posters up if it’s not available?! I want to buy the movie today! Not two days from now! TODAY! I WANT IT TODAY! NO, I WANT IT NOW! GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW OR I WILL GET YOU FIRED!”

Me: *Stepping in.* “Ma’am, the movie isn’t released yet. The release date is right here.”

I point to the date on the sign right next to her.

Customer: “The posters are up. I want the movie now.”

Me: “There is no override function for it. You’ll have to come back on that date.”

Customer: “You must be new, so I guess I can explain to you how we will be doing this. I will give you cash. You take the cash and you give me the movie. Then you ring it in on the day of. That’s how you will do it.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s illegal.”

Customer: “I want to speak to [Location’s Manager]. They’ll let me do it.”

Me: “Oh would they? Well since we legally cannot do that, I thank you for reporting this. I will make sure to report it to corporate to make sure it never happens again.”

A look of panicked realization crosses her face for a moment that she just outed [Location Manager].

Me: “Now, [Location’s Manager] is not available. I am the only manager here. You are speaking to me, and the answer is still ‘No.'”

Of course, this was not the answer she wanted to hear. A manager with a spine telling her ‘no’ was unacceptable. But since screaming, and then giving me orders failed, it was time to change tactics yet again. Her face turned red, her breathing all heavy, her cheeks puffed out and then this seventy-something-year-old lady started to cry hysterically.

Customer: *Gasping and hiccupping dramatically.* “But [My Name], baby, doll, sweetheart, I need this movie for a little girl… please [My Name]! I just gotta have it! I just gotta, [My Name]! Please [My Name]! Please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE! PLEAAAAASE [Myyyyy Naaaaame]!”

Never before have I regretted having a name tag so much in my life.

This woman is literally throwing an epic, sobbing meltdown while scream-crying my name. She has buried her face in her hands and by the end, she’s extending her words. I suspect the counter is the only thing keeping her from throwing herself on the ground to clutch at my ankles. Toddlers could take notes. Drama majors from the William Shatner College Of Over-Acting would say that this was a bit much.

Unfortunately for her, I DO NOT tolerate this behavior from anyone. I stand there silently with an icy expression on my face. As the wailing continues, I slowly cross my arms, shift my stance, and tilt my head, staring at her with a look of unmoving disgust at her antics.

When her string of wails degenerates into brokenhearted weeping, I coldly speak.

Me: “Ma’am the movie cannot be sold until the release date, there’s no override for this. Crying is not going to change that. You are just going to have to grow the h*** up and accept this. Now get out of my store.”

Silence descends. The crying noises vanish. She sucks in a sharp breath of shock. The woman slowly looks up, crocodile tears on her face, with a look of complete disbelief. The sound of my tapping foot is the only sound above the hum of the coolers a few aisles away. My cashiers and a whole bunch of people in line are staring at her, and none of them are friendly or sympathetic. Some are pointing and snickering. Some look disgusted. I see one woman bend down and whisper to a young child, who nods with a serious expression while staring at the lady with wide eyes.

As for the lady, she just stares at me. And stares. And stares.

Me: “I am not asking you to leave. I am ordering you to get out. The exit is over there. I suggest you use it before I have you removed by force.”

Slowly, she gets up, gathers her things, and leaves. She looks like she’s in shock. I apologize to the crowd for the disruption and then gesture for the next person to come forward to the newly cleared register.

I help clear out the line. When the crowd is gone, I turn to the cashier. The lady has given me a glimpse into how this store is run.

Me: “Let me guess… The manager of this store is an invertebrate?”

Cashier: “I wouldn’t want to badmouth my manager, sir. But I will say he is amazingly good at walking upright for his condition.”

I don’t even bother to hold back a small laugh.

Me: “All right. I’m going into the back, and I’m sending out an email, detailing what happened today and how this store has been run. I’ll be out to help close when I’m done. For the record, you are allowed to refuse to be a go-fer to customers.”

Later, I called staff meetings on how to handle customers like that lady and did some training. I got to hear lots of stories of other spineless things the manager did, including other things that were illegal and could have gotten us into major trouble. I check store cameras and not only confirm the tales, but find more things that horrify me to no end. These stories and their evidence were also passed up along the chain.

My stay at that store ended up being extended, and soon a new manager came to take over the location permanently. The location manager never did set foot back in the store that I could see.

A short time later, I received an email with all the local Chain Stores in the area CC’d. Apparently, police intervention had been needed to remove a customer, and she was now banned from all stores in the area. A flier was to be posted with the customer’s name and face, and all stores were required to call the police as soon as she was spotted on store property.

I framed a copy of my flier, and tell the story of the meltdown at get-togethers.