Wait Until They Find Out What Eggplants Are

I’m taking orders from a group of four at the table. They’ve already confirmed there are no allergies I need to worry about.

Customer: “I’ll have the [item], but can I have that without the caramelized onions?”

Me: “The caramelized onions are a main component of the dish. Would you like me to ask the chef if he could recommend an alternative?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I know a lot of people seem to like it, but the idea of mixing up onions and caramel sauce just seems so gross to me.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not what caramelized onions are. They’re just onions that are cooked slowly so that their natural sugars caramelize, as in turn brown and slightly sweeter.”

Customer’s Friend: “Wait, [Customer’s Name], did you think caramelized onion was just adding caramel to onions?!”

Customer: *Turning red.* “I mean, yeah. It’s the name!”

Customer’s Friend: “Oh my God! That’s hilarious!”

The table laughs, and I try to get things back on track.

Me: “So, will the caramelized onions be suitable?”

Customer: *Still red.* “Yeah, I… uh… think those will be fine.”

I put the order in. When the meals are ready and I’m bringing them over, it becomes apparent that the table hasn’t moved on from the conversation:

Customer’s Friend: “Wait, you thought there was corn in corned beef?!”