Vocabulary Is Dead

(It’s late one night when we get a phone call on our landline. My mother insists on keeping the landline because she doesn’t trust cell phones, even though 90% of the calls we get on the landline are scams. This time the name of our insurance company pops up, which is odd, but since my father just passed away unexpectedly, I decide to answer.)

Me: “Hello, [Last Name] Residence!”

Caller: “Hi, my name is [Caller] calling from [Insurance Company]! Could I please speak to Mr. [Father] [A Very Wrong Version of Our Last Name]?”

(I am amused, but not surprised she pronounced our last name wrong, since it is very foreign. I am more amused that our insurance company is asking to speak to my deceased father, who has been gone for nearly three months now.)

Me: “Oh, he has passed away.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I am very sure.”

Caller: “Well, I need to speak to him.”

Me: “That is not going to be possible.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Because he’s dead.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “…”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Ma’am, can I ask you a question?”

Caller: “Of course!”

Me: “Do you know the definition of ‘deceased’?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “…”

Caller: “…”

Me: “He’s not available right now.”

Caller: *cheerily* “No problem; we will call back at a later date! Thank you for your time!”