Vice-President Of Voicemail

, , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(Working in tech support means that you often get gems, which makes sense when you consider that I handle maybe twenty to thirty calls a night. Recently, I had one call that made me really wonder HOW people manage to get high-paying jobs… without understanding the simplest actions. After a spiel about the company, and getting a user ID to look the client up:)

Me: “What is the nature of your problem?”

Client: *agitated* “I can’t access my voicemail! I need you to unlock it or reset my PIN!”

Me: “Okay, that’s not hard. Just need to verify—”

Client: “Verify? What do you mean verify?”

Me: “Company rules. I just need to be sure you are who you say you are.”

Client: “Can’t my assistant just do this?”

Me: “No. It has to be you.”

(I ask for verification of identity, and then start checking some things.)

Client: “What’s taking so long?! I’m a Vice President, and it shouldn’t take this long!”

Me: “VP or not, sir, I still have to isolate your identity from the list of some three thousand people with the same name, and then change the PIN. It’s going to take me a bit of time, so bear with me.”

Client: “Fine… Whatever.”

(After resetting his PIN, I have him give it a go, only to have it not work. We try this a second time, and it still doesn’t work.)

Client: “Stupid. You can’t do anything right!”

Me: *staying civil, as calls are recorded* “It’s odd that it’s not working… Tell me, what exactly are you doing when you log in?”

Client: “The same thing I do every time, you stupid muppet! I press mail on the phone, then star, and then enter the pin! What do you think I’m doing?”

Me: *inwardly* “Making me want to hang up on you.” *to client* “Okay, there’s a couple options here. Let me just put you on hold a moment and check with someone on this.”

(I quickly put the client on hold, and call up the telecom agents. After relating the client’s name, and his trouble, the telecom agent groans and says:)

Telecom: “Him… Again? Bloody h***. Tell that stupid wanker to quit pushing the star key. I walked him through that twice already, and he’s not figured out that it doesn’t work the way he wants it to.”

Me: *laughing* “I can’t tell him that.”

(After a few moments, the telecom agent asks me to put him on the line with the client and me. I do the transfer, and introduce the telecom agent. At this point the client seems to calm down, and even get a bit sheepish.)

Telecom: “VP? We’ve talked about this with you no less than three times now, and I’ll say it again. STOP PUSHING THE D*** STAR KEY!”

Client: “I… sorry. I…” *hangs up*

(In the end, I had to put a resolution to the problem, knowing full well that the client, and his direct supervisor, would be given a copy of the ticket. In the resolution field, I wrote, “Client complained that he could not access his voicemail. After repeated tries, I contacted Telecom, and was informed that client was disregarding instructions on how to access his voicemail. Client has been informed that he is not to continue pushing buttons on the phone, as doing so is not required, nor advised, for the accessing of his voicemail.”)

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