Taxing Taxiing, Part 2

(I’ve called a taxi three hours before a domestic flight. I live 20 minutes from the airport, so I figure this will be plenty of time to get there and through security. I get in the cab. A hellfire and brimstone sermon is playing loudly on the radio.)

Taxi Driver: *shouts over radio* “There’s construction, so I’m going to take a shortcut.”

Me: “Sure, cool. Your depot is a few blocks from my house, so you must know the routes to the airport best.”

Taxi Driver: “Yes, yes.”

(I start reading my book and look up to an unfamiliar residential area. I check my GPS and see we’re now 25 minutes in the opposite direction!)

Me: “Um, this is kind of a strange way to get to the airport…”

Taxi Driver: “No problem! No problem, miss! It’s a shortcut.”

Me: “Okay…” *that’s not what my phone says at all*

(A couple minutes pass, and the driver pulls over at a gas station.)

Taxi Driver: “I’m going to stop and ask for directions.”

Me: “I know how to get there, and I have GPS…”

Taxi Driver: *ignores me, gets out and goes to ask the cashier, and then comes back* “Okay! Easy, we’ll take a shortcut.”

(He turns out and goes the wrong way again. Now I’m a little scared.)

Me: “Really, I can set my GPS on the dash if that’s easiest. Or I can read you the directions. Turn north, take exit two—”

Taxi Driver: “No, no. I know how to get there. I don’t know how to use that.”

(He pulls over again by two men walking down the sidewalk.)

Taxi Driver: “EXCUSE ME! TELL ME HOW TO GET TO THE AIRPORT?!”

(The men look confused and shake their heads. This continues with the next person he passes as well. I seriously consider jumping out of the moving car.)

Me: “Please follow my directions! I know how to get there; I live here. My flight leaves in an hour and ten minutes and I’m going to miss it!”

Taxi Driver: “Oh, okay, fine, FINE! But that’s plenty of time! We can make it there in an hour!”

(Apparently, the guy didn’t know that there’s a cutoff for check-in and baggage long before boarding, as well as TSA. I gave him step by step directions and made it to the airport with six minutes to spare for check-in. He still aggressively demanded a good tip.)

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Taxing Taxiing