Very Shy To TMI

(I am a cripplingly shy teenage girl, in line at a dollar store. The elderly customer behind me has noticed my shirt, which says ‘Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate:’, and is otherwise blank.)

Customer: “Hey, I like your shirt! You know, I wanted to procrastinate, but I kept putting it off.”

Me: *laughs nervously*

(The man starts putting his items on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “We’re gonna have fuuuuun tonight.”

(I glance back and notice that he’s buying 10 bottles of baby oil, and nothing else. I turn bright red and turn away.)

Customer: *laughing* “Aw, I think I scared her.”

(An elderly woman has just come up behind the elderly customer.)

Woman: “What’s that?”

(The customer explains what’s just happened to the woman—his wife.))

Woman: “Oh! Haha!” *she walks up to me* “You see, things tend to dry out when you get older!”