Given Herself A Ringside Seat

(My partner and I, both female, are going on a five-hour train trip, and have just sat down on our designated train seats. The train is pretty crowded, but the seats in front of us remain empty until the very last minute, when an older lady comes and sits on the seat in front of my partner. The lady immediately reclines her seat all the way down, which means she’s basically laying on my partner’s lap. We exchange an incredulous look.)

Me: *to Lady* “Excuse me, but could you please not recline your seat quite so much?”

Lady: “No can do. I have a sore back, and this is the only way I can travel comfortably.”

Me: “I’m sorry you have pains, but you are seriously squishing the person behind you.”

Lady: “Are you telling me I should have to sit here in pain?!”

Me: “I am telling you that if you can’t travel without seriously inconveniencing the people around you, perhaps you should rethink your travel plans, such as use a train that has sleeping cars.”

Lady: “Don’t you understand I have pains?! Have you no decency?!”

Partner: *from between gritted teeth* “Don’t YOU understand that we have paid for these seats and you’re not letting us use them? Your sore back is not our fault, but you’re ruining our trip. You just unceremoniously forced yourself into our space without even an apology, so I’m having a hard time finding any sympathy for you.”

Lady: *sputters about young people these days, still in her near-horizontal position*

(It looks like the situation is going nowhere, but then I have an idea. I look at my partner with an evil grin and twitch my lips slightly. She immediately catches on.)

Me: “Well, then, we better make the best of this trip, baby.”

Partner: “I guess we should, honey.”

(We started kissing, and immediately the old lady made a sound of shocked disgust and put her seat up. For the rest of the trip the seat stayed up, and we didn’t hear another peep from her!)