Very Middling Advice

, , , | Right | April 23, 2021

I’m working in my cousin’s DIY store for the summer.

Customer #1: “How much grass seed do I need to buy for my lawn?”

Me: “How big is your lawn?”

Customer #1: “Medium.”

Me: “Great. You want an average amount of grass seed — not too much or too little, okay?”

Customer #1: “That’s great, thanks!”

A little while later:

Customer #2: “How much should I water my plants?”

Me: “What kind of plants do you have?”

Customer #2: “They’re all different sizes, mostly around this size.” *Gestures vaguely in the air beside her*

Me: “Okay. Then you want to make sure you don’t water them too much because they’re not really big. But make sure you’d water them more than a really small plant.”

Customer #2: “Thank you. Where can I find a watering can like that?”

Me: “There are watering cans here that you can fill part of the way up or all the way up.”

Customer #2: “That’s a great idea!”

The following day:

Customer #3: “Hi. I need paint for my living room, but I don’t know what kind.”

Me: “That’s no problem. I can show you our indoor paints.”

Customer #3: “Which colour should I get?”

Me: “Here are the really light ones and here are the really dark ones. If you don’t want it too dark or too light, you should pick one in the middle.”

Customer #3: “Thank you. I’ll take a few cans.”

After she leaves, my cousin comes up to me angrily.

Cousin: “How are you doing this? How are they accepting your advice when they don’t know what they want or how much they need?!”

Me: “Babysitting for fifteen years. It’s basically the same thing.”


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