Very Loud Lies

(A customer comes up to the customer service desk.)

Customer: “I need to make a complaint about that woman!” *points to colleague*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. How can I help?”

Customer: “She was very abusive to me. She completely ignored me when I asked for help. Then she got right in my face, like this—“ *literally pushes her face into mine* “—and screamed that I was fat!”

Me: “Oh, my.”

Customer: “Yes, and I’ve fought anorexia for years! It’s very upsetting and I will need counselling that your company must pay for.”

Me: “I can certainly understand if she ignored you, but I sincerely doubt she shouted at you or called you fat.”

Customer: “Well, that is what she did! I demand retribution!”

(I call the colleague over with my pager and we have a conversation using sign language. The woman stares at us dumbfounded.)

Me: “My colleague says she has never seen you before.”

Customer: “But, you didn’t even speak to her. You just stood there making funny gestures!”

Me: *internally* “Really? You’ve never seen sign language?” *out loud* “She’s deaf, madam. She is incapable of speaking, which is why I know she didn’t call you fat.”

Customer: “Well… she… YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DEAF PEOPLE WORKING WHEN I NEED HELP!”

Me: “It’s two am and we are night staff. It’s rare any customer bothers to speak to us.”

(The customer shakes her head as though I’m speaking in riddles. She starts to leave before running back to me.)

Customer: “IF SHE’S DEAF, HOW DID YOU CALL HER? I HEARD HER PAGER, YOU LYING COW!”

(She turns to my colleague and screams — just screams, no words — in her face. My colleague just backs away and gestures that her breath stinks.)

Me: “Pagers vibrate. Now, get out before I call the police!”

(The customer became very aggressive and started assaulting one of the theft detectors at the entrance. By the time police arrived, two of the burly stockroom attendants had subdued her outside. It was here we learned that she had an anti-social behaviour order against her, which meant she wasn’t allowed to be outside during nighttime hours. She was swiftly arrested.)