Vegan Poop Cake

(We are sitting on the front steps watching my niece play on the lawn when my aunt comes out the front door. Earlier we had been discussing veganism.)

Aunt: “There’s cake inside.” *pauses* “The baby’s eating dirt.”

Brother: “Meh. It’s good for her immune system.”

Aunt: “Okay, but I can’t guarantee there isn’t dog poop on it. Also, there’s cake inside.”

Brother: “Poop is probably also good for her immune system. Plus it’s vegan.”

Me: “I don’t think so; it’s an animal product.”

Brother: “But what about manure as a fertilizer? Don’t all the organic farms do that?”

Me: “That’s a good question; the argument could be made that manure is produced by cow labor. ”

Brother: “So, the question is, if a grass-fed, pasture-raised cow named Frank who has had a life full of love, poops in a garden in the Irish countryside, are the vegetables still vegan?”

Aunt: “DOES NO ONE WANT CAKE?!”