Vegan From This Place!

I’ve had stomach issues for as long as I can remember, but I’ve discovered that cutting out most meats from my diet tends to help. Even though I like to eat meat on occasion, I also enjoy vegetarian food, so it’s not a huge sacrifice on my part. My brother, on the other hand, is an almost aggressive carnivore who finds it personally insulting that vegetarians exist in the world. He also likes to needle me about my new eating habits at every opportunity.

One day, my brother helps me move some furniture and I promise to buy him lunch as a thank-you. He’s a big fan of the hamburgers from a specific fast food chain, so that’s where we go.

This chain recently started selling a vegan burger which is pretty close to meat in both taste and texture. They also have a system where you can choose to order and pay in an app or at a self-service kiosk in the restaurant and then pick up your order at the counter when it’s ready. We decide to use self-service.

Me: “Okay, [Brother], pick whatever you want. It’s my treat.”

Brother: *Grinning* “Thanks! I’m going to get something with a lot of meat. I want at least two different animals to have died for this burger.”

My brother proceeds to choose his meal, predictably with an extra patty and added bacon, and steps back, looking very satisfied with himself. I told him he could have whatever he wanted, so I just smile and order my own meal.

Me: “Go save us a seat somewhere. I’ll wait for the food.”

I go to wait at the counter for our order to be called. When it’s ready and my number is called, the worker who put the food out stops me just as I’m about to grab it.

Worker: “Before you go, I just want to make sure this is the correct order. That was a [Meal] with an extra patty and bacon, right?”

Me: *Smiling* “Yep, that’s exactly what he ordered. Thanks!”

I take the food and join my brother at a table, and we dig into our lunch. My vegan burger is surprisingly good for a fast food burger. My brother is practically inhaling his food, making “yummy” noises all through the meal just to spite me. I just keep smiling at him.

Brother: *Pushing his empty tray away* “That was delicious! Nothing beats a real hamburger. How’s your rabbit food?”

Me: “It’s really good, actually. You can barely tell it’s not meat.”

Brother: “That’s ridiculous; I’d be able to tell in a heartbeat. There’s nothing like a proper beef hamburger.”

Me: *Still smiling* “Really? Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Brother: *Going off on one of his rants* “I mean, look at those stupid posters. They might have photoshopped it to look like meat, but no one is going to be fooled by that.”

Me: “That’s funny, because you actually ordered the vegan burger, and you just ate it all and said it was delicious.”

Brother: “I… No, I didn’t. I ordered the beef burger.”

Me: “Nope, you ordered the [fake] beef burger. The girl at the counter thought it was weird that you wanted bacon on that, but you ordered it yourself, so I thought that was what you wanted.”

Brother: “I’m never going to eat here again!”

So, that’s the story of how my brother decided to boycott his favourite burger chain because he accidentally ordered a vegan burger and enjoyed it. (The extra bacon might have had something to do with it.)