Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 49

| Romantic | June 18, 2015

(My girlfriend, my best friend, and I (all female) are sitting around my house. The ever popular zombie question comes up. I’m a bit of a nerd and am on the autistic scale so I don’t really understand emotions unless I’ve known the person for a long time and even then it’s only because I’ve been told how to recognize them.)

Girlfriend: “Hey, babe, what would you do if I was bitten by a zombie?”

Me: “Kill you, probably.”

Girlfriend: “WHAT?! That’s awful.”

Me: “Well, I mean, I suppose there are different type of zombie apocalypses going around in theory so I suppose it would depend on which strain of zombie you became and what’s written in the contingency plan.”

Girlfriend: “Contingency plan? What?”

Me: “It’s a lot to explain but essentially [Best Friend] and I have a contingency plan in play for the zombie apocalypse, and of course that means that we had to discuss the likelihood of each type of zombies predicted to happen and the best way to keep from getting bitten.”

Best Friend: “It’s very complex and super well thought out. I think it’s like 50 pages long or something obscene like that.”

Girlfriend: “And the plan says you have to kill me?”

Me: “No, there’s a footnote that states all significant others get an automatic pass into whichever survival situation we go into but if you were bitten I figure you’d want to be killed by someone who loved you rather than some stranger who’s hell-bent on revenge or is just mindlessly killing zombies. You know, because you’re the sentimental type.”

Best Friend: “Oh, so close. You were so close to not insulting her.”

(It took me a minute to understand what went wrong and tried to backpedal but I only dug a deeper hole while they laughed at me.)

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