Unicorns Don’t Exist, But At This Point I’m Willing To Hear Their Platform
I’m working at a tourist souvenir shop in Washington, D.C. A customer walks up to me holding up a tote bag with a stylized eagle and the American flag.
Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have this in one that supports the other party?”
Me: “Sorry, what do you mean?”
Customer: “Well, this one’s clearly Republican.”
Me: “How so?”
Customer: “Because it’s got the eagle. That’s like… their logo, right?”
Me: “Not exactly. The eagle is the national bird. It’s on the Great Seal of the United States.”
Customer: *Lowering voice.* “Okay, but do you have one with like… a donkey on it instead? I want to keep things balanced.”
Me: “You want… a patriotic tote bag… with a donkey?”
Customer: “Yes! To show I’m not picking sides.”
Me: “We don’t carry party-specific tote bags.”
Customer: “That’s a shame. I think politics would be less divided if people had more options. Like maybe one with a unicorn? Nobody hates unicorns!”
Me: “I’ll… pass your suggestion up the line, ma’am.”
Customer: “It could be a unity unicorn! That could really fix America! Think about it!”
