(I am a night baker for a popular bakery/cafe. Around midnight, the cafe receives a call from a number I don’t recognize. Since I’m the only one there, I answer, thinking it’s probably important. I am immediately proven wrong when the caller starts slurring his words.)

Me: Hello?
Caller: Can I get some bread bowls?
Me (not knowing how to respond): Uh, we’re closed.
Caller: Ooooooohhh. (Pause) Can I get some bread bowls?

(Then, he hung up. I told my boss about this, and she laughed and told me getting drunk callers was a right of passage in this field.)

So I’m gonna say right off the bat that the workers are wearing bright red shirts and I’m wearing a bergandy shirt.A lady comes up and asks me to GET HER THE RED PEPPER .I tell her that I don’t work here.She says ‘Noooo, you’re wearing the uniform!!😡 . I can tell she’s very mad. I tell her that she can go talk to the people in the bright red shirts .She storms off angerly . She comes back with the manager and tells him that one of the employees was misbehaveing . She points at me. I hear the manager saying that I don’t work here. She stomps out of the store. By this time friend is off shift and is laughing historically. Guess you’re not always right 😂.

I’m in the cafeteria one day in college and notice we have a new blind student being taken on a tour by another student. However, her “tour guide” was himself blind.

The punchline writes itself.

My roommate and I were having a problem with our A/C, so we had someone over to fix it. Always when he came by my roommate was gone because he had to work.
He always talked about my roommate and me like we were a couple even after I mentioned that we were only roommates. Once, when both of us were in the apartment – my roommate was just about to leave, but wasn’t ready yet – the technician came by again and called us, AGAIN, a couple. My roommate told him as well that we weren’t a couple but he’s still didn’t care.
Later, I talked with a friend about it and we both agreed that the technician didn’t listen to me.
Afterwards we had a good laugh about it. I still don’t understand why someone would say something like that even though we told him repeatedly that we were only roommates.

My husband and I are visiting his grandmother. I’m sitting at the bar playing on my 2013 limited edition Animal Crossing 3DS XL.

Grandmother: “What’s that?”
Me: *pause* “It’s a Nintendo.”

She accepted my answer.