One of my professors has just come back from a trip to Thailand.
Professor: There were Buddha statues everywhere. Buddhas sitting, Buddhas standing, Buddhas playing tennis….

(We are at a large family gathering, including a bonfire. Several aunts, uncles and cousins and their respective partners are there. My generation is in their twenties to thirties, the aunts/uncles in their fifties to seventies.
A cousin [Cousin #1] and his partner have made an unhealthy amount of Glögg, Swedish mulled wine, and are now heating it up it over a fire in a huge pot.
We have started drinking this sweet deliciousness while watching the amazing bonfire and getting drunk pretty fast.
The topic falls to relationships and couple names. Like Brangelina for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Cousin #2, let’s call her Pam, has recently split up from a long relationship and is now enjoying single life.
Cousin #1 and I are in the longest relationships among all cousins. Aunt #1, mother of cousin #1 and Pam, is there as well.)
[Cousin #1]: How about [badly mashed up names] for [Me] and [My Partner]!
(Everyone is laughing and trying to add more ridiculous combinations.)
[Me]: Well then [Cousin #1] and his partner are [even worse mash up]!
(Pam chimes in)
[Cousin #2]: Well then I am Pa-Tinder!
(Everyone falls silent, before we all roar and break into laughter, including her mother, aunt #1.
I know family can be bothersome, but I was very lucky with mine and enjoy moments like these.)
(And yes, I am aware of the irony of Swiss cooking Swedish mulled wine. Still two different countries.)

I’m visiting my mother and step-father in Vermont in the fall and it comes up that there’s a corn maze nearby. Having lived in Florida my whole life, I’m eager to go, so my mom, myself, and another teenage girl she was fostering at the time head out to the maze. When we get there, we decide to make it a competition to see who can beat it the fastest, and all dash off in separate directions. Important note: there’s an “emergency exit” that’s just a straight line cut through the maze and that’s clearly roped off.

I’m near one of these rope gates when I notice another group of teens jumping the ropes, heading my way and giggling to themselves. A staff member catches them a few rows over and starts leading them out of the maze and past me, but the staff member pauses and then calls out to me, “Hey, come with me, and I’ll let you out close to the end.”

So I do, trailing along behind the group of now-dejected teens for a bit before the staff member pauses again and points towards a main path. “Head that way and you’ll be out in five minutes easy.”

And they were right. I easily cleared the rest of the maze, beating the rest of my party by a good 15-20 minutes. I had a huge grin on my face when I explained how I’d won by being caught not-cheating by the staff and my mom and foster sister huffed playfully about it. I’ll never be sure why that staff member decided to help me skip half the maze, but it made for a fun adventure on my part!

I work for my local council’s contact centre. We deal with many council related queries including deaths, cremation etc. Due to social distancing measures, only 20 people are allowed at burials/cremations.

I have had a customer querying the amount of mourners allowed to attend. At the end of the phone call:

Customer – “Thank you. I couldn’t find this information anywhere. You have been most helpful. Have a great day.”

Me – As if automatically “Thank you and you.” Oops. If you are reading this I’m really sorry. I realised what I had said after the call went off

One of the old ladies I care for in my professional capacity has died, and we all loved her and we’re really cut up. I was the one who rang the florist to order flowers. I came off the phone and had this conversation with my husband.

Me: “I was so unprofessional, I couldn’t help booing when I was speaking to her.”

Him: “I expect florists are used to it. Like vets. Remember when we had to get [favourite cat] put to sleep last year? We were both booing then.”

Me: “I must remember to wear waterproof mascara at the funeral next week.”

Him: “And take a big box of tissues.”

Me: “That too.”

Him: “And take a few bottles of water to replace the water lost.”

He thinks a bit longer.

Him: “And you might want to pack an inflatable rubber dinghy just in case.”

I cracked up, he was so deadpan.

Him: “How much more extreme can we go? And God said to Noah: I need you to build an ark.”