I’m sitting at home when my phone rings with “potential scam” as the call ID. Sure enough I get the “your computer has a virus” scam from a very obviously South Asian woman in what sounds like a very loud, very busy call center.

Her: Can you please turn on your computer and log in?”

Me: Sure, but first, can you answer one question for me?

Her: Certainly sir.

Me: What do you tell your parents you do for a living?

Her: I’m sorry?

Me: Like, do you tell them that your job is stealing from old ladies?

Her, suddenly screaming: NO, YOU STEAL FROM OLD LADIES!

She hangs up and I go back to what I was doing, bemused.

My history teacher is going over our test results.
Me: “Didn’t you say that [it went like this]?”
Teacher: “It doesn’t matter what my lecture said. I test based on the book, not my lectures.”
Me: *speechless outrage*
Teacher: “But if you can find it in the book, I’ll give you back the point. Anyone who wants to do this must submit proof via pictures, and an essay explaining your point.”

Attendance was part of your grade, which meant he was wasting our time. Further arguments didn’t seem to make him understand this. His correction policy was also baffling- if one student deserved the point, surely so would everyone else!

I didn’t listen to his lectures after that, and I didn’t take his classes next year.

(My girlfriend’s mom has a dog that, unfortunately, she feels she is no longer physically well enough to properly care for, and is looking for a new home for her. My girlfriend and I are trying to brainstorm people we know who might be able to take her.)

Me: “Maybe I can ask my mom if… no, nevermind.”

GF: “Oh yeah! She’d be awesome with Dusty!”

Me: “No, it wouldn’t work because of the cats. Mom’s said she’d like to get a dog, but she can’t because of the cats. I mean, Mama Kitty would be fine after she taught the dog who’s boss, but Kitten? She’d just hide, like *all* the time.”

GF: “How old are they?”

Me: “Mama Kitty is … seventeen I think? And that would make Kitten 15.”

GF: “Wow, they’re *old*.”

Me: *laughing* “For a cat, yeah, they’re like a hundred.”

GF: *sigh* “It’s too bad they’re not dead so your mom could adopt Dusty…”

Me: “Well, F*** you too! It’s too bad *Dusty’s* not dead so your mom wouldn’t have to worry about re-homing her!”

GF: “I didn’t mean it like *that!*

Me: “How exactly DID you mean it?!?

(We were able to laugh about it immediately after, but still… who says that?!?)

On a hot summer’s day, I pop into a dollar store for a quick shop. I grab what I want, and head to the checkout. I approach the counter, place my purchase on the counter, and when the cashier tells me the total, I hand her some change. The cashier looks at the handful of coins I just gave her, and gives me the most disgusted scoff I have ever heard in my life.

Now, I used to work as a cashier, so I can understand the frustration of having to count out a bunch of coins, however I felt this was completely uncalled for for three reasons;

1: I was only buying one item, a soda, at a *dollar store*
2: I was paying in mostly quarters, so she only had 6 coins to count
3: I gave her exact change

To her credit, she did sheepishly comment that I had given her the exact amount, so I just rolled my eyes and left.

We’re visiting relatives.
Cousin “Jack” says he’s going over to the tennis courts. My mother tells me I should go with him.
I don’t want to go with him. 1. I know he doesn’t want me there and 2. I don’t have a racquet.
Mom: Go, it’ll be good for you [the standard mother’s meme]
So we walk over. He has his racquet, while I’m empty-handed.
The courts are full, so we walk back.
Mom: You shouldn’t let people take advantage of you like that.
Me: