(My girlfriend and I, both Christian females, frequently joke that I’m the “innocent angel child” and she’s a force of corruption.)

Me: “What did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?”

Girlfriend: “I don’t know. I think you were too pure and God needed something to warp you a little.”

(I love her so much.)

My parents, brother and I are discussing the current situation and how easily disease travels on cruise ships. Mum wonders about that.

Me “Well think about it, you’re basically in a tin box, with the AC pumped between all the other tin boxes and then there are the towel animals.”

Mum “The towel animals are cute, what’s wrong with them?”

Me “They get used over and over again”

Mother “No they aren’t”

Brother “yeah that wouldn’t be very hygienic, are you sure?”

Me “There’s hundreds of cabins, do you really think they make fresh towel animals for each one every single day?”

Mum “Is that why our room attendant got upset with me for pulling one apart to see how it was made?”

Brother “Ewww, imagine how many times those have been coughed over”

Mum “I hugged mine”

I am a trans guy on testosterone. The doctor I used to see retired a few months before the pandemic, and I’ve been getting shuffled around to a different doctor for every appointment since then until they can hire a replacement, so I’ve been stressed about things that involve checking in with my doctor.
After my most recent blood test, I get a call from my clinic. My testosterone is low and they want me to see a doctor to see what’s wrong. I make an appointment and mention that I need more refills on my testosterone so that I can refill my needles at the same time and not make two trips to the pharmacy. The nurse says that she’ll do that, and the next day the pharmacy tells me my prescription is ready.
I drive to the pharmacy and wait outside to be brought my supplies. I’m handed a paper bag and look inside to check that everything is in order.
The bag has a box of alcohol wipes. Nothing else. I don’t want to be ungrateful, and it means I’m cushioned against shortages, but how did sharps and hormones turn into alcohol pads?

(I am at work, checking what free samples the store I am in needs. I am frequently mistaken for an employee of the store, so I’m used to helping where I can.)
Customer: “Do you have any black cherry Monster?”
Me: “I don’t work here so I only know the location of the items I’m in charge of, but I can see if they have any.”
(I look around at the drinks near me but I don’t see what he is asking for)
Customer: “Oh, I thought you were doing inventory. The Monsters are here.”
(He gestures to the fridge he is in front of and I see that it has the logo on the side. Did they think I was hiding the flavor they wanted in the back?)

Years ago a new furniture store I’d never heard of opened in my town. Ever excited to check out new things, I go in to see what’s on offer, but I’m disappointed to find that not only is nothing really my style, none of it even matches the surprisingly cohesive style of the town and it’s overpriced on top of that. The icing on the cake was being not just ignored, but actively avoided by the staff. They would dodge eye contact if I looked at any of them.

However, just recently, I spotted some large “Going out of Business” signs with those lovely large percentage-off signs that bring in bargain hunters, so I figure what the heck and go in. Only to find that, over a decade later, nothing in there is my style, it still doesn’t match the town’s popular themes, and the few items I was interested in were still hundreds out of my price range even at half off or more. Oh, and the staff still dodged eye contact like I was Medusa.

While I am always sad about people losing their jobs, some places will not be missed.