My aunt and uncle are bringing a mattress over to my apartment. While bringing it in, my cousin picks up a book from my bookshelf and flips through it.
Cousin: This looks funny.
Me: It is funny.
Aunt: What’s it about?
Me: It’s called “The Weird Yhings Customers Say in Bookstores.”
She starts laughing. She gestures to my uncle.
Aunt: He asked a girl at Barnes and Noble if Stephen King ever wrote a book! She said she had no idea!
We all laugh.
(A few years ago, I was working as an ESL teacher for an online school based out of Shanghai. As China doesn’t do Daylight Savings Time, this means that my schedule shifts forwards/backwards by one hour when the time changes. When I first joined up, all communication for tech assistance was done via Skype messaging, and it wasn’t very well-organized. Despite having teachers from all over the planet (and therefore different time zones), the staff clearly don’t have shifts that cover the entire day, meaning that I have to get up extra early in the morning if I want to have an actual conversation – and even then, it’s not always a guarantee. And even taking the language barrier into account, I’m pretty sure that they don’t always read the whole complaint. These two stories are prime examples of that.
Story 1: It’s March 2018, and DST has just begun. I have noticed a serious problem with the software that we used, and immediately log onto Skype to get help:)
Me: My list of upcoming appointments says that I am to teach my Monday classes in a few hours (it is a quarter past midnight Sunday morning, a couple hours before the time change), which is Sunday morning. Why is the list telling me that my classes are 24 hours earlier than they are supposed to be?!
(To be clear: I can only access the online classroom between 5 minutes before the beginning of class and the scheduled end time. This glitch would have my access to the classroom closed a full day before the class starts, leaving me unable to attend ALL my currently-scheduled classes, as they were all affected. And failure to show up for class without warning is penalized monetarily according to my contract, so this glitch will literally be costing me money.)
(I attach a screenshot of my schedule to illustrate the problem.)
Me: Today is Sunday, but it is saying that today is Monday. I think there is some kind of glitch caused by the upcoming time change. Will I have to get up to teach even though I am not supposed to be scheduled then?
(I have no expectations that the students will show up, but I will still get my pay docked if I don’t show up to a scheduled class. I don’t get any immediate response from IT, so after waiting for a short while, I go and get a few hours of sleep before getting up extra early to check again.)
IT: Hello there maybe its because the Daylight saving time? Heres the annoucement for Daylight Saving Time: (attaches the notice the teachers have already received alerting us to the upcoming time change, essentially implying that I am just a frantic teacher freaking out because my classes are off by one hour – when I explicitly said that it is off by 24 – and didn’t bother to read the notices).
Me: Yes, I do believe the glitch was caused by Daylight Savings Time. But the [Company app] is off by TWENTY-HOUR hours, not just one. The current time in Beijing: 16:54 Sunday. The [Company app] thinks it’s 16:54 MONDAY. It’s counting down and saying that I have 2 hours until the next class (a Monday class), not 26. If I have to, I will check in and enter the classroom when prompted, but unless someone tells my students to take their lessons a full day earlier than they agreed to, there will be no one for me to teach. Obviously, I would prefer to have this glitch fixed, otherwise it will probably cause problems for ALL my students. (I attach the same screencap again) If you look closely at the image I just sent, the classes that are scheduled for Monday read ‘today’, even though the time and date on the right side of the screen is displayed properly. If this glitch does not get fixed, then tomorrow, I will be forced to sit and wait for my Tuesday students when I know that they aren’t coming to class, while my Monday students sit and wonder why I’m not coming to class.
(This time, the reply is immediate, and I am advised to just check in when I am contracted to do so; the IT person promises to check out the error. Sure enough, when I log in the following morning, the error has been corrected. But as a certified ESL teacher, I know that someone with the IT person’s English level as displayed in the chat (misspellings and all, so I know it’s not an auto-translator) should know the difference between 1 hour and 24 hours.
Story Two: Just a few days later, on Tuesday evening, we experience some bad weather that could potentially knock out the power. As I have done before, I send a little heads-up message so no one gets mad if I end up having to miss class – we are not penalized for absences in this situation, as it is obviously beyond our control.)
Me: There is a storm occurring in my area right now. If it knocks out the power, and it still isn’t back on by morning, I will be unable to teach my Wednesday classes. If there is power, I will of course be teaching as usual.
(I don’t get any response, not that I am expecting one at that time of day, and eventually go to bed. Luckily, the power is still on Wednesday morning, so I go to teach as usual. However…)
Me: Why is the [Company app] saying that I am on leave? I did not request leave, I was just giving you a heads-up in case the storm knocked out our power. It did not, and I am here and ready to teach. (An hour and a half later:) Is anyone there? I did not request leave, and I am here and ready to teach classes, even if there’s only forty minutes or so left of my contract hours today.
(I never get any response as I regularly refresh the app and attempt to check in throughout my entire contracted timeslot that morning. As we are required to be paid half our usual rate if there is no scheduled class for whatever reason, I feel I am still entitled that ‘standby pay’, as it is called, because I never asked for leave (which is unpaid) and came to class. So, on Thursday morning, I try to get in contact with them again.)
Me: I’m going to keep saying this until someone replies. I did NOT request leave for Wednesday, March 14th. I simply said that there was a storm in the area that risked knocking out our power, and that if I did not show up to teach, that would be why. We did not lose power, and I sat in front of the computer, ready to teach, for the entire span of my contract hours on Wednesday.
(Finally, on Friday morning, I get a response.)
IT: (blank-faced emoji) If you can teach, you should tell us before your first class. Your message made us confused
Me: I did tell you before my first class. I got no response until now. I have also left similar messages before, and none of them have been confused with leave requests.
IT: your coordinator have cancel that leave on Wednesday
Me: Does that mean that I still get paid the standby time? I didn’t have classes since they were all cancelled, but I sat at my computer with the Teacher Center open for the entire duration of my contact hours.
IT: half pay for cancelled class ! (Keep in mind that ‘standby time’ is the official term that the company uses.)
Me: Yep, that’s what I meant. Thank you!
(Thankfully, the protocols soon changed, and we could start individual chats for each issue with relatively prompt responses. But the old system was such a headache!)
My grandmother lost het husband around 2001 and this story takes place around 2010. She considers herself still young (in her mid 80’s) and goes out daily to enjoy life. One day, she sits down at a bus stop, to wait for the bus. An older gentleman sits down next to her.
Man: Hello
Grandmother: Hello
Man: What a lovely weather we’re having, right?
Grandmother: Yes, it’s nice
Man: Do you also need bus [number]?
Grandmother: Oh, no, I need bus [other number]
Man: Ah, okay… *after a moment of silence* On your way home, to your husband?
Grandmother: Oh, no, my husband died years ago.
Man: Ah, I’m sorry to hear that…. *another moment of silence* Say… why not come with me?
Grandmother: … Excuse me?
Man: Well, you are a widow, I am a widower… we could get married? I mean, you seem nice….
Grandmother: Oh, eh… no thank you…
At that moment the bus arrived and she hurried off. She called my dad when she got home (she had and still doesn’t have a cellphone), telling him she got proposed to by a stranger at a bus stop.
(My girlfriend and I, both Christian females, frequently joke that I’m the “innocent angel child” and she’s a force of corruption.)
Me: “What did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?”
Girlfriend: “I don’t know. I think you were too pure and God needed something to warp you a little.”
(I love her so much.)
My parents, brother and I are discussing the current situation and how easily disease travels on cruise ships. Mum wonders about that.
Me “Well think about it, you’re basically in a tin box, with the AC pumped between all the other tin boxes and then there are the towel animals.”
Mum “The towel animals are cute, what’s wrong with them?”
Me “They get used over and over again”
Mother “No they aren’t”
Brother “yeah that wouldn’t be very hygienic, are you sure?”
Me “There’s hundreds of cabins, do you really think they make fresh towel animals for each one every single day?”
Mum “Is that why our room attendant got upset with me for pulling one apart to see how it was made?”
Brother “Ewww, imagine how many times those have been coughed over”
Mum “I hugged mine”
